Thomas was born a woman in 1983, after deciding at the age of 5 he/she could not make it in the world of cock-rock without, for want of a better word, a cock, Thomas went under the knife to become a fully fledged man.
With a penis under his belt he was now free to make a play for superstardom in the field of permed hair and spandex pants. However there was one problem, he was still only 5 years old. He finally managed to get a gig with aging rockers Whitesnake in 1992, playing lead ocarina. This was down to the bands hope that he would bring them an 'extreme Youth' element and create a broader appeal. Unfortunately after a mix up involving Thomas and Steve Via's (lead guitarist in Whitesnake at the time) toaster, he was forced to leave the band and the cock-rock movement for good. Disillusioned with the rock scene he decided to move further a field, dabbling in a variety of different genres ranging from Hard Techno to Ambient Jazz Hip Hop. The most memorable of his new directions was the collaboration with reggae artist Shaggy in 1996 with the lesser know 'Mr Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' later re-released to great success as 'Mr Boombastic'. After the blow of seeing a song he helped write, re-released under a slightly different name, become huge, he decided to quit the music industry for good.
In 1997 Thomas moved to Mexico to teach children life skills, such as how to play connect four and put slinky springs into shoes. But, over the years, the call of music became to great and he found himself waking up in the night' humming select tunes from his power death pop period in 1995, must notably '(I) Love Bats' his reworking of the classic Cure song 'Love Cats'. At this point he new he must return to music to claim the success he was born to achieve. His latest two-track demo proves this by showing that he is a force to be reckoned with, perhaps akin to a pigeon or meercat and with a move into more indie electro waters, he has found his niche.
Do great things beckon in the future for Thomas? Probably not, but he'll keep writing this rubbish anyway.
Some Memorable Quotes On Thomas's Music
'Your Music Sucks Cock' Ira Lederer - London-based Creative Originally Man
'The beginning of every song sounds good but then it becomes shit' King Of Dub - Dub DJ.
