One day, when I'm old, it will be my time to be crotchety. And I deserve it, due to all the old people I've had to deal with thus far. I will scoot around in my Hoveround with a racoon tail on the antenea, buying cat food in bulk, and thinking it's ok, to cut young whippersnappers in the check out line. I will have the hugest hair ever, wear blue eyeshadow, draw my eyebrows on, and be dressed head to toe in gold lamay accents. I will smoke cigarettes with a giant holder like Cruella Devil, while swirling my martini, and shouting obsceneties at the pool boys in my retirement community. I will play BINGO every Thurday night, and heckle the bingo caller. I will go to applebees with my girlfriends (who ever is still kickin' around by then, cause god help me I'll out live everyone!!!), and demand that my coffee be fresh and hot. I will lose my dentures weekly due to the fact that I can't remember which old codger I did the night before, I'm lucky to have remembered the Viagra for crying out loud. I will drive till I'm 87, I will pinch 25 year old boys butts, and I will wear every piece of gaudy jewlery that I own at all times. My boobs will be down to my FUPA, and I will nestle my grandkids into them as much as possible. I will lick my lips before kissing any family member, and chuckle to myself as they cringe. I will wear giant sunglasses, and funny hats, just because I can. And I will do it all with style and grace, because I deserve it, and I can't wait!