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ѽ ɳ ɨ ƈ ȏ Ɩ ε ѽ

-- Verum, sine mendacio, certum et verissimum: Quod est inferius est sicut quod est superius, et quo

About Me


I love my little girl, Maleeha Lucina Carter beyond any description and without condition.
I write poems in moments of extreme emotion.
PRODIGY
there’s a beach
where the stars never sleep
hearts swimming
Soul-play-mates make sandcastles
and that star falls for me
and the wish is for no end
then a million stars fall
and amongst them all I crawl
I’m carried away to that sea
all hearts surround me
all stars shining on me
and there’s a little tune that friend of mine is singing
about a little nymph’s kiss and how she made all of this..
©Nicole L Colby 2005

SOUL TWIN
for my sister
I love her,
she's the sweetest thing,
she'll show you everything,
the inside of being,
know that when you look at her,
she's not what you're seeing...
they left,
one by one,
with her,
they were done,
she got bored when she was ignored,
cuts and drugs,
a slam of the door,
her life hit the floor,
slowly she became herself no more,
what to live for anymore?
striving to survive,
surprised she's still alive,
she really doesn't want to die,
she wants someone to talk to,
she wants you to listen,
she doesn't want you to lie to her,
she doesn't want you to buy things for her,
she wants you to pick up your phone when she calls,
she wants you to help her break down her walls,
everything I ever gave her,
was meant to save her,
it pisses her off - the non-believers,
the sick deceivers,
hawks, vultures, guilt lures,
the fake and depraved,
people who can't be saved,
somewhere she's inside of what they made,
trying to escape a subtle kind of rape,
no one taught her how to live,
she doesn't know how to drive,
how to cook,
doesn't have a job,
didn't graduate,
she's always up late,
a mind swarmed with pain,
hate, sadness and a questionable fate,
she's beautiful,
she's insightful,
she can draw,
she can write,
she'll get the lyric you missed,
she'll have something to say back to her shit you dissed,
she loves poems,
feeling emotions,
knowing the truth,
philosophical and brilliant, resilient...
she's taking herself back,
remembering, learning,
she's discerning,
the pictures she could take with her eyes,
the songs she could make with her cries,
the movies she could make from how the filth dies,
the poetry she can write from her lows and her highs,
when the person she is- is alive,
the therapy she could provide,
she'll save your lives...
I love you sister of mine, daughter of mine, friend of mine,
born under the same sign,
keep on dreamin don't ever give in,
my soul-twin,
Bobby.
©Nicole L Colby 2004
WORTH MY TIME
So many smiles,
So many kisses,
A fulfillment of all my wishes.
The unreal, real.
Forgotten what I imagined,
years ago,
what I felt I still feel,
and my wounded heart begins to heal.
TRUST and HONESTY,
FAITH of the BEAUTY in me.
Captivated and Free.
Amazingly it's not hard to believe.
Arms wrapped tightly,
mouths entangled,
no repose,
mixed tempo,
letting go brings close.
Completely vulnerable,
Safer than ever.
Deep comfort within me,
Soul dancing peacefully,
Emotions playing gently,
Heart, Soul and Mind aligned.
PURE and DEVINE,
Intoxicating like wine,
growing like a grapevine,
So satisfied to say he's mine,
So satisfied to have someone worth my time.
©Nicole L Colby 2005
WANTED
let's take it back to the start
let's remember who wanted the hard to get heart
who never meant to give away even a part?
we were playing like children
I kissed you
you put away the game
I was terrified things would never be the same
cause every boy is lame,
when I let them in--
they quit before they begin,
like for me to love them, is some kind of sin?
but by then, I've fallen.
I tried to stay standing
unsure if I'd shatter landing.
You took my hand
helped me to stand.
You put your arm around my waist
and a feeling I began to taste.
You placed me at your side
and with all our troubles I could abide.
I left you paralized and high
no drugs and I didn't have to try.
Your hands light on the side of my face
You kissed the 'I love you' kiss--
You changed the pace.
You seemed to disappear for a minute
it was hard for me to handle it--
like why you playin kid?
but you came back, eased my mind,
your reasons valid, your words kind.
Set up to make it up,
circumstances fucked it up.
Tears welled in my heart so nobody could see them.
I wanted you to come back
I wanted you to come back for me.
Without telling you,
I gave you my heart.
You came back,
still not seeing it in your hands,
still not seeming to understand--
I need no lies,
I need no decieving,
I need no perfect man,
I need no perfect life,
I need to be trusted,
I need to be comforted,
I need to be protected,
I need to be respected,
I need to be beautiful and sweet,
I need to be crazy and fierce,
I need scandal,
I need peace,
I need sanctuary,
I need man's love.
I want you--
the good times,
but bad times too,
the smiles and laughing,
but also tears and fears,
moments that can't get any closer,
moments left alone,
knowing it's for real,
but thinking it won't last,
taking time to have a past,
but moving into the future fast...
You slipped -"I love you but.."
You knew I heard you
I heard you before you said it
and I feel that you meant it.
I have to say now,
as things are now,
don't give up so easily,
give yourself a chance to hear it from me,
don't try to save me,
you matter more to me than I've allowed you to see,
I'd rather go to the ends of the earth and back-- living--
than sit still any place alone-- waiting to die.
No matter how nasty the path might be,
don't ever let go,
please don't let go of me--
I take your hand freely.
You got me.
That's the way I want it to be.
© Nicole L Colby 2005
SWEET FRIENDS
at first glance you tried to hide
like I would judge
like I would hurt your pride
I know inside you cry
I know outside you lie
to me, afraid you wouldn't look alive
my faith in you is my pleasure too
the feeling I can not match.
did you ever want to hold until you couldn't let go?
to become addicted to the soul?
I enjoy the silent moments
when I feel for a moment
you know me
I enjoy the silent moments
when I feel for a moment
you let yourself free.
this life's not been easy,
and I'm not sure what you mean to me.
I've ventured in new waters
and from the beginning,
out too deep to stop swimming
but there's no fear we'll stop living.
and this is not a love poem
this is an ode to a friend.
when I look at you-
I'm glad to see through,
when I hear you-
I'm glad to listen too,
whatever you choose to show,
I'm glad to know.
and I just want to tell you I'll be there
and not have you scare
not be scared that I care
or to wonder and ask why
maybe you could just know
maybe you do..
that's just who I am inside,
and she dies to show every side
and in sympathy for strife-
she finds life
in holding and being held,
warm comfort and friendship meld.
you can hide if you want to hide
I will never judge
and I refuse to hurt your pride
I know inside you've cried
and it's okay if you don't want to show that side
to me.
I just wanted to tell you-
when I look at you-
I see through,
when I hear you-
I listen too,
whatever you choose to show,
I take notes to know.
and this is not a love poem-
just a sweet note to you sweet friend.
©Nicole L Colby 2005
DOLL FACE
I will not buckle under the pressure
I will not be treated as a lesser.
I will not be left at fault
Spice up this life, leave the salt.
getting a little too cold
gets a little hard to hold
maybe I don't need you
but maybe I breathe you
maybe I just want my own
exalted and beauty shown
and if you leave me down and out
I'd rather just be left alone
on my knees I fall
frozen like a doll
pretty
unreal
pretty unreal
the heat at the core
refusing to bore
Don't buckle under pressure
Don't be treated as a lesser.
Eat up the spice, leave the salt.
Even when it gets cold
there's still something to hold
and maybe I need you
but I'm not breathing you
maybe I want you for my own
exalted to me your Self shown.
and I won't leave you down and out.
and I won't let you feel alone.
On my knees I fall.
Your only doll,
pretty
unreal
pretty unreal.
©Nicole L Colby 2005
DEAD IN MY BED
I just wanna sleep
Peace inside I can't keep
the wounds of my heart are many and scarred
When a tear falls from my eye
I feel like it's a lie
I die on the inside
while on the outside I look alive
I have no one true love
a million would tell me they could be the one
but I don't want any of them
if I did want somebody,
if I was willing to believe
I know they would just fuck me
and once again I'd be deceived
tears still fall
and I'm just wishing for a phone call
how sick is it?
Does everbody know I've been raped?
do you see in my eyes that I give so that you don't take?
No matter how real I feel
I know people caring about me is fake
My eyes burn
they wanna close,
I want to dispose
die for eight hours or so --
it's not happening though
I've got to write, stay up all night
throat's closing up
and my heart just won't shut up
drowning it in music is the only way I can breathe
I would listen to music until my ears bled
if it would bleed me of the pain inside until it was dead
What's it take just to go to bed?
So I'm beautiful? I'm your fantasy? You wanna play with me?
So what you mean to say is --
You wanna fuck me? You wanna fuck with me? You wanna tear my heart apart?
You want my mind to race? see tears roll down my face?
Pull the Halo from my head
Rip the feathers from my wings.
And you wonder why I no longer fly so high and you don't know that I can sing?
As the chill crawls atop my skin
I have no choice but to give in
The life this world wants me to live is a Sin
I just want a warm sun, fun
a wonderful sight to look upon
to share that with someone of whom I am fond,
And for this ridiculously stupid misery to be dead
OUT OF MY HEART OUT OF MY HEAD.
©Nicole L Colby 2005
COPYRIGHT --The photos, writing, and all other material contained herein MAY NOT be used, televised or reproduced IN ANY FORM WITHOUT the expressed and written permission of the author.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My Interests



? poets ? fighters ? lovers ? dancers ? singers ? musicians ? adventures ? senses ? others like myself ? mind expanders ? witches ? tarot readers ? psychics ? the magical ? aliens ? the elements ? ocean waves ? sun rays ? leaves ? sticks ? fires ? artists ? stars ? writers ? thespians ? travelers ? spirits ? plants ? animals ? outsiders ? loners ? rebels ? anti-authoratives ? stimulators ? rockers ? intellectuals ? ancient Egyptians ? alternatives ? massages ? messages ? synchronicities ? frequencies ? inspirations ?

LOVE.. MY DAUGHTER MALEEHA, MY SELF, CREATION, EXISTANCE, whatever contains or presides over this world - I make no assumptions. FAMILY FIRST. Family is what you make it, I have family that I don't share blood with. A beautiful soul who wears my human shell well. Loving those the way I say I do and not ever telling a person I don't like that I am their friend. SELF-actualization - harmony - RESPECT to the respectful - INTEGRITY and truth - MUSIC - ethical and compassionate treatment of ANIMALS - helping PEOPLE to the best of my ability - SMILING one more time today than I did yesterday, for NO REASON - finding MAGNIFICENCE in the mundane - ROMANCE - INDEPENDENCE - STRENGTH - blind FAITH and FREEDOM of FREE WILL- my precious Coolest Cat you'll ever meet *POSEIDON* - DETERMINATION to stay amibitious - being SELF-MOTIVATING, SELF-HEALING, SELF-SUSTAINING - helping others by HELPING my Self - keeping the SOUL OUT OF CHAINS & CAGES - LIBERATION of INNER SELVES - COLORS - ENJOYING MY LIFE... QUESTIONS, ANSWERS, INTELLECT - la la la.. SINGING, WRITING, DANCING, PUNCHING & KICKING, JUMPING fences.....

;p

WHEN ALL IT EVER DOES IS RAIN ON YOUR PARADE

It's been a long day..
so cold you can't play.
everything you work for leaves you outside its door.
your heart hits the floor, and you wish to be no more.
the rain's been here for days,
and all you're wishin for is the Sun's rays,
to come and steal your pain away, make you wanna stay.
I hear what you say,
I hate feelin that way
I know, I know,
I feel what you say
it won't always be this way.
Let me hold you until your tears fall away.
Lay your ears on my heartbeat
as it sings you to sleep.
It's been a long day..
people losing their way.
people drinking themselves empty,
floating out of reality.
it's been like this for a long time,
and all you're wishin for is a mountain to climb,
to find a place to leave the pain behind, to feel sublime.
I hear what you say,
I hate feelin that way
I know, I know,
I feel what you say
it won't always be this way.
Let me hold you until your tears fall away.
Look into my eyes..
it's okay to feel down inside.
In me there's a place you can hide.
You've got a friend beyond any end..
I know, I know,
I feel what you say
it won't always be this way.

©Nicole L Colby 2005

(image from Samm)

click & learn

ll
ll
V


Earth 911 - environmental info for use in everyday life


NVIC - unbiased factual info on vaccines to aid in informed consent

Born Free & API - national animal advocacy organization, contributions to which are tax-deductible

Co-op America - help create a more socially just and environmentally sustainable society

Local Harvest - find sustainably grown food in your area and so much more

Pets 911 - how to take part in saving the lives of pets nationwide

Animal Welfare Society - help animals in need in Maine

Save the Tiger Fund - support global tiger conservation

Mamasource - a free private site where you can get/give advice to/from local mommies :)

I'd like to meet:



The creator of the first apple tree.
Creative entities. Trent Reznor, Saul Williams,Marilyn Manson, Scott Weiland. Good teachers.Random people in the streets of Los Angeles.Tibetan monks.Thai boxers.Rogue agents.Someone who truly doesn't have anything left to learn.

---------------------::Rockit::-----------------------

"Trismegistus" - watercolor by Marilyn Manson

"Yellow Daisy" - by Marilyn Manson

"August" - Trent Reznor photo manipulation by me

Music:



..*'~..*'~..*'~..*'~..*'~..*'~..*'
Musical Druggie

I like it live & loud. I dance best to rock n roll. You'll find me up front or backstage. I sing my blues away when I'm by myself. I sing in comfortable company, and when I really just want to. I have bi-polar musical taste, I like it deep and dark and I like when I can feel the sunshine without the sun.

Movies:



www.zeitgeistmovie.com

SiCKO,Get In The Van,Project Swich,Fight Club, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, As Good As It Gets, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, the Planet of the Apes,Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, Star Wars,Encino Man, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Leon, Kill Bill, Natural Born Killers, Scarface, Harry and the Hendersons, Scotland PA, SLC Punk, Gremlins, Biodome, Casino, Thirteen, Very Bad Things, Office Space, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Maximum Overdrive, the Lost Boys, Back to the Future, The Breakfast Club, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,Babes in Toyland, the Goonies, Snatch, She Devil, Wedding Crashers, Tommy Boy,Black Sheep,the Shawshank Redemption, Wayne's World, Amores Perros, Amelie, Apocalypto, You, Me, and Dupree, Knocked Up

Television:



*Rome* - Sopranos - Lucky Louie

random shows on -

world history, the nature of people, forensics, music, travel, religion, interior decorating, things that I can learn from...

Books:


The city sleeps
& the unhappy children
roam w/animal gangs.
They seem to speak
to their friends
the dogs
who teach them trails.
Who can catch them?
Who can make them come inside?
-- Jim Morrison
'Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.'
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"the diffrense from a person and an angel is easy. Most of an angel is in the inside and most of a person is on the outside." These are the words of six-year-old Anna, sometimes called Mouse, Hum, or Joy. At five years, Anna knew absolutely the purpose of being, knew the meaning of love, and was a personal friend of Mister God. At six, Anna was a theologian, mathematician, philosopher, poet, and gardener. If you asked her a question you would always get an answer - in due course. On some occasions the answer would be delayed for weeks or months; but eventually, in her own good time, the answer would come: direct, simple, and much to the point.
-- page 1 of Mister God, This Is Anna by Fynn 1976
'Poets are too naked. You can spill your guts all over a canvas and somebody will buy it because it matches their sofa. That seems safer than words.'
'I understand how you feel. I hide in the music. But do it. Write! That's why I let you read my notebook. I want you to see I write good things and lousy things and sometimes I'm not sure which is which. And I struggle most with the very personal things even though it's not important to me if people don't get my stuff on a personal level. I don't care if they like it 'cause it matches their sofa, or, you know, musically has a good beat, but I want them to get it in the larger sense. I want them to know what that trip is. I'd rather they get that first batch of songs sung in a circle than what any particular song means to me, because that's something they can use. They can't use my life.'
-- excerpt from page 84 of Wild Child - Life with Jim Morrison by Linda Ashcroft 1997

Heroes:



POSEIDON..a.k.a.--LOVINS

My Blog

The Mouse...

If U Should Die Before Me Ask If You Can Bring A Friend.. I Know You Want What's On My Mind.. U Can't Swallow What I'm Thinkin..N I Think I Think Too Much.. Don't Have A Nickel Or A Dollar But Cha Fee...
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Something Everyone Should See

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com info from the official site: Zeitgeist, produced by Peter Joseph, was created as a nonprofit filmiac expression toinspire people to start looking at the world...
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Mon, 26 Nov 2007 05:53:00 PST

bulletin - music madness

you know you want to do it.IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?So, here's how it works:1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)2. Put it on shuffle3. Press pla...
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 03:39:00 PST

Without Reasonable Cause

winter stared me coldwarmth offered me in to holdevery leaf fell awayheat heat sleepholdget up and gothe fire never ceased to burnI never seem to learnbut I knowtoo much too muchwhere am I?this little...
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Tue, 10 Jul 2007 01:16:00 PST

How well do you know me?

okay, here's what you do, click it to take the quiz, at the end of the quiz go ahead and fill out your email info, blah blah, use a fake one if you want, and then it'll tell you your score and it'll p...
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Mon, 05 Feb 2007 01:46:00 PST

Photo Graphs

some photos I took yesterday and today while walking w/Shannon around York Beach... a few were manipulated (they're quite obvious)......................................
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

comments say it all.

Sometimes is just spills out...EYESBehind their eyes:Your intensity is too much for meYour eyes see meAnd I'm scared that you might know meI'm scared youre not just being friendlyWhat is it that you w...
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

a *KING*

The appeal of cinema lies in the fear of death. Camera, as all-seeing god, satisfies our longing for omniscience. To spy on others from this height and angle: pedestrians pass in and out of our...
Posted by } s h ˆ  – µ } on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST