I often contemplate the benefits of track lighting, the best invention since corrugated cardboard. Or the word corrugated. I am slowly succumbing to caffeine poisoning. In five years I will sue Starbucks and will create my own science-fiction based religion with the settlement check. I will then retire to create words like corrugated. I am a big fat hypocrite: have you ever seen a vegetarian with a leather couch? I cannot spell or do crossword puzzles. I have an ego resembling the Hindenburg: large and filled with asphyxiating gas; easily deflated with a cigarette lighter. My hobbies include: listening to WNYC & pretending to be an intellectual despite my double-wide roots; holding the moral high ground against all republican onslaughts; consuming everything in my path; using semicolons; and anything made of concrete. I often smell of plastic.
