A FEW THINGS
ABOUT ME
I work for a shutter company in Van Nuys
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I like big butts and i cannot lie!
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees.
I am an Indianapolis Colts fan
I write award-winning operas.
I am recently separated from my girlfriend of 3+ years :(
I manage time efficiently.
I'm super charming and hella cute
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I'm 420 friendly
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing.
I live in and love tha San Fernando Valley
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty three minutes.
I love my family & friends and am very loyal to both
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
I am machine washable and void where prohibited
I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I'm basically the business
I play bluegrass cello.
I love to travel (though I don't do it much)
I was scouted by the Mets.
I am positive thinker and a student of The Secret
I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
I drink Miller Lite
When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard.
My cunnilingus skills have earned me awards and accolades night after night
I enjoy urban hang gliding and On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I'm a quarter white (my mom), half Jamaican (my dad), a quarter American (born in Glendale) and all man Biatch!!!
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
I don't know what I want to do with my life, but i know i want to do it well
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I want to meet you in person
I don't perspire.
I am currently enrolled full time in Leykis 101 I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
I have been caller number nine and have won the concert tickets.
Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.
I bat .400.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only chopsticks and a toaster oven.
I breed prizewinning clams.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet.
I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.