63837794 - ProfilesArchive

About Me

In regards to the Blogs-- Technically it's all fiction (plus some piss-poor-poetry), but I'm probably making up a lot less than you think! For instance, every place and person that I describe in these short stories is real. You can go to the corner of Lankershim & Sunland in Los Angeles and see "The Woman That Lives On Lankershim". You can go to the Gaslamp District in San Diego and hear Dottie & The Diamonds from "The Loneliest Number" practically every weekend. Sure Tricky from "Tacos de Cabra" isn't really named Tricky, but he's a real pimp in Tijuana, you can visit him and Fink too (if you want)! And yes, I really built Johnny Depp's spa. So Prettiest Princess from "Three Princesses & A Flatulent Mobster" didn't come in first place, does it make it worse as a story? I ask you, good citizens of cyberspace, "Am I as creative, as I am cheesy? Mmmmmm! Cheese." Get Your Own! | View Slideshow I found this layout design in your momma's kitchen. - check out her biscuits I buttered them! .

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

A person from Nevada that can drive, Frank Oz, Jim Henson, Bill Hicks, Madeline Kahn, Gene Wilder, Red Foxx, George Carlin, Robin Williams, Michio Kaku, Steven Hawking, Carl Sagen, Joseph Campbell, Dr. Robert Watson--(Lead Scientist for Worldbank), Danny Elfman, Burt Backarat, Lionel Richie, Randy Newman, Mike Patton, Anthony Bourdain, Tom Robbins, Kurt Vonnegut, Chuck Bukowski, Alexander Calder, Salvador Dali, Michael Parkes, Ed McGivern--(The Fastest Single Action Shooter Ever!), Lt. Col. Robert Cole 101st Airborne 502 Regiment 3rd Battalion, Martin Luther King Jr., Jackie Robinson, Morgan Freeman, Lao Tsu, Jesus, Mohammid, Budda, Extraterrestrials, Hobbits, Pan, Popeye, Dionysis & Other people who don't clown everyone with self-centered righteousness because they think they know everything about everything when they really know shit about shit.

My Blog

The Lord Loves A Hangin

The lord loves a hangin'that's why he gave us necksit tightens up our vocal cordsand loosens up our pecksSo if you are a horse thiefand guilty to the bonego ahead and blame a friendso you don't hang a...
Posted by on Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:03:00 GMT

The Serpent and the Peach

The succulent peach lived on a high branch with her cheek to the sun, paying little attention to the serpent that slithered through the duff below her. The serpent had loved the peach since she ...
Posted by on Sat, 14 Jul 2007 09:13:00 GMT

Why Tuesday Is The Best Day To Freebase In L.A.

Seth is driving 85 MPH in the car pool lane on the 170 south past Universal Studios, even though he knows we have to get off the freeway in two exits, and that I easily get car sick. Benz & ...
Posted by on Mon, 09 Apr 2007 15:04:00 GMT

Fear & Loathing At The Sink

Dirty goddamn dishesthey don't know what the fuckthey're talking aboutThey're stupidStaring at me like I'm somelazy bum"Fuck you!Stupid fucking dishes."They don't scare meI'm just not preparedto deal...
Posted by on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 16:48:00 GMT

Shakespeares Red Light Sonet

The smokes, the rock, the vulgar talkshe swears she'll quit tomorrowThe patch, some paint, a back street walkwords spoken merely out of sorrowLusty devils slurp chocolate martinisshortcake girls bell...
Posted by on Wed, 21 Feb 2007 16:15:00 GMT

Disk Golf With The Devil

"Crap!" Satan yelled, slicing his first disk into the bushes. "I'm taking my mulligan.""I told you to make some practice shots.""The Dark Lord needs no warm-up" the Great Deceiver refuted."That'...
Posted by on Thu, 01 Feb 2007 13:18:00 GMT

Tricky Escapes From Mexican Prison

It was a rainy Thursday morning when the 'Policia' broke through the grandiose doorway of Tricky's Tijuana mansion. Heavily armed officers rampaged through the domicile, leaving no room un-searc...
Posted by on Fri, 01 Dec 2006 20:16:00 GMT

The Girl Who Loved Me & The Woman Who Couldn't Remember

A few weeks ago I was back in Hollywood building Johnny Depp a spa on Stenson & Sunset. I was bending re-bar in the hole when a song came on the radio. I don't remember what song it was, but it ma...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Oct 2006 09:17:00 GMT

Tacos De Cabra

The border taxi stops in front of a large wooden doorway leading into the three story mansion. There is no great driveway, nor gate, nor yard except for the streets of inner Tijuana, Mexico. "Cin...
Posted by on Mon, 04 Sep 2006 13:16:00 GMT

Frayed Bungee Cord and Dirty Angels Cap Escape From Interstate-5

Just south of Norwalk to the left of the carpool lane on Interstate 5 heading south, a dirty red Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem baseball cap with a small tear on it's bill awoke. Having been unco...
Posted by on Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:07:00 GMT