Randy

Today, while walking to my car I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk, so I stopped and glared at the crack as if IT did something wrong.
I like to frolic in the Autumn Mist. I love to travel on boats with billowed sails. I am a big old rascal who loves caves and lives by the sea. I was born in Honalee and my best friend was Little Jackie Paper.
I still own a Michael Jackson "Beat It" Zipper jacket, and sometimes when I am feeling sassy I will wear it when I go grocery shopping at HEB.
Recently, I had to go into the hardware store after emasculating myself by getting excited about the upcoming Sex and the City Movie due out in May. I had to buy three wrenches and a hammer before my nuts began to grow back. Big and Carrie better get married or I am going to be pissed. Shit, my left nut just fell off again.
I get scared to drive after leaving the grocery store ... I mean half the people in there can't drive their shopping cart ... what does that say about their ability to drive a car? Are you one of those people that go down the wrong side of the isle or park their cart in the middle of the isle as you browse for Mac and Cheese? Yeah, I know your type.
I like to sing the lyrics to songs like the A-Team, Sanford and Son, and ER whenever I captivate an audience with my karaoke. Hey, lets see YOU try to sing those songs!!
I am singlehandedly trying to bring back into style the sweater-vest, parachute-pants, and any other hyphenated clothing garments.
I always tip people at Sonic, but I am bitter about it because I know they get more than minimum wage; moreover, they hold that damn mint as a hostage for ransom. Try not tipping those red-and-black clad crooks and ask for that mint, you would have better luck getting a steak bone away from a rabid dog in heat.
I still wear Dallas Cowboys terry cloth p.j.'s (with those scruffy white foot bottoms) to bed. I know I know, you're not cool enough to wear them ... don't hate!
I think I want to get inked up. What should I get tatted on my bod??? I know!! I want to get a tattoo of someone getting a tattoo removed.
After some soul searching and self analyzation I have come to the realization that I am a born again Jehovah's Witness. I have shaved my head and I can now speak in tongues in a number of different languages. Since my conversion I can be found at Starbucks writing, “Tongues for Dummies” and “The Jehovah's Witness Guide to Playing the Tamberine”, books in my spare time. Ok that's a lie and I can't back it up, but I would love to have an excuse to play the tamberine and wear those cool orange robes ... maybe I can be a Buddhist Monk!!! Afterall, they get the orange robe, sweet sandles, and I can whip out all those cool and wise sayings at the drop of a hat ... but damn, they don't get tamberines. I don't know .... decisions decisions.