Ted profile picture

Ted

Very Melon.

About Me

I think you have the wrong idea.

My Interests

That's fine. I don't care.

I'd like to meet:

A clothesmaker, Chef of an Indian restaurant, The drunken spectre of Oliver Reed, Those who know what the "kiss of death" really is in this business.

Music:

Just like you, Ted loves Urge Overkill, KISS, Foghat, Nick Gilder, The Archies, Ohio Express, Earthquake, Bad Wizard, Tommy James,Mudhoney, the Bob Seger System,Teenage Fanclub, almost anything Nicky Chinn and Mike Chapman wrote,Frijid Pink,Deep Purple,Lemon Pipers,Creedence Clearwater Revival, Curtis Mayfield, Shoes, 70s Stones,Rock Flowers,Puffy AmiYumi,Motorhead, The Donnas, ZZ Top, Phil Seymour, 1910 Fruitgum Co.,Greg Kihn, Sensational Alex Harvey Band, Kasenetz-Katz, Nazareth, Status Quo, Rubinoos, Dirtbombs, Mountain, The Raspberries, 13th Floor Elevators, Black Sabbath, The Move, Sasquatch, Blue Cheer, Sonic Youth, AC/DC, Montrose, Norman Greenbaum, Nebula, Groundhogs, The Nice, Bettie Serveert, Les Rockets, Jucifer, Kylesa, Bay City Rollers, Slade,Alice Cooper, The Sweet,Runaways, Suzi Quatro,Grand Funk Railroad,ELO, first two Ramones albums, first two Roxy Music albums, Angel, Melvins, Badfinger,The Nuge, Todd Rundgren, almost all 70s AM top forty hits, Rod Stewart, Pilot, Big Star,Orange Goblin, The Shazam,Pentagram, Polvo, Conquistador, Husker Du, Wishbone Ash, Dave Clark Five, Scorpions, Zolar X,Royal Trux,Faces, Big Star,The Move, Emerson Lake and Palmer, and Uriah Heep.

Movies:

Godspell, A Watcher in the Woods, Burnt Offerings, Psychomania, A Hard Day's Night, Planet of the Apes, Omega Man, Zardoz, Ups & Downs.

Television:

I don't have cable where I live, so I get to see alot of King of Queens and According to Jim.

Books:

Various manuals and anything by Jackie Collins.

Heroes:

Theodore Roosevelt, Curtis Sliwa, Mike McConnell, Steve Marriott, Rod Stewart, Kiyo Takamine, Neil Hagerty, Inuyasha

My Blog

Banks and Ford Give Me the Business

The tiny, dark room is nearly bare.There is but a flimsy card table and two folding chairs.In one of the chairs sits Tyra Banks and in the other Harrison Ford.I am standing next to the door.Serious pl...
Posted by Ted on Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:57:00 PST

My Interview With Regina Spektor In Broad Terms

Ted: something about russian heritage  Spektor: something about being born somewhere and raised somewhere else Ted: question about skill at piano Spektor: response about skill being rudimentary b...
Posted by Ted on Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:16:00 PST

The Story of a Thousand Middle Fingers

After a very heated (boiling) telephone conversation with someone, I fell asleep and dreamed I was sitting with a Moog synthesizer atop a billiards table in the dankest, most uncomfortably hot and hum...
Posted by Ted on Sat, 22 Mar 2008 11:37:00 PST

The Regina Spektor Backlash

Boy, I guess I really stepped in it when I posted something about Regina Spektor and the negative health issues brought about by her music!You’d think I drew a cartoon of Muhammed or something.M...
Posted by Ted on Sun, 16 Mar 2008 11:37:00 PST

Spektor vs. Destroyer in Kohls Department Store

You ever go to a Kohl's department store? Everything in that bitch is on sale all the time or something. Seriously, there are three racks of full price items and the whole rest of it is marked "cleara...
Posted by Ted on Wed, 12 Mar 2008 07:02:00 PST

100 Years Ago

Went out walkin' through the wood the other day Can't you see the furrows in my forehead? What tender days, we had no secrets hid away Now it seems about a hundred years ago Now if you see me drinkin'...
Posted by Ted on Tue, 01 Jan 2008 06:28:00 PST

U Got the Look

At this point in my life I have, I believe, been through every conceivable look that could possibly work for me. Some of the more notable ones: leisure-suited toddler, gay cowboy, weirdo with Army Sur...
Posted by Ted on Sat, 08 Dec 2007 07:53:00 PST

Tiny Pieces...

My all-time favorite song is "Tiny Pieces" by Bash and Pop. "Who?" you ask. Don't worry about it. It will not increase your hipness or add anything to your life. You probably think of Rod Stewart as a...
Posted by Ted on Mon, 24 Sep 2007 01:55:00 PST

Jam a Bastard In It!

I spent about two hours shooting the living piss out of an Eddie Fisher LP with a BB gun today. That's the kind of life I have made for myself. You're next, Mitch Miller.
Posted by Ted on Mon, 27 Aug 2007 05:55:00 PST

Night of Fear...

If you know me, you know I like old stuff. Everything I own that is not old is made in the style of something old and is dirty enough that I can convince myself it is actually old. I have a debilitati...
Posted by Ted on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:10:00 PST