I'm an English major at Trevecca. I'm quiet and withdrawn all too often lately, but I guess it's just my personality. i don't know. I'm a horrible driver, but I'm safe until I meet another bad driver, I guess...
One of these days, I want to see a ballet. I also want to see the opera Carmen. Carman. Whatever. I want to cover the back of my door with meaningful quotes on post-it notes. I want to go to a Regina Spektor concert. I want to watch the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean. I want to get stung by a jellyfish or bitten by a poisonous snake, just to see what it feels like. I want to be able to play Moon River on the piano. I want to get rid of the stuff I never use, like the CD's I never listen to and the clothes I never wear. I want to take a photograph of the San Mateo Bridge and make that plain, ugly thing look as friendly and beautiful as it seems to me. One day, I want to miss all three meals and not think about it, even though I'm diabetic. I want to get some red sneakers. I want to play Snapdragon -- I want to light a match, for goodness' sake. I want to not care how ugly my feet look. I want to write a short story. I want to go to Boston. I want to drive past a tollbooth and suddenly find myself at Expectations, and go beyond them. I want to listen to that record of the Carpenters that I used to listen to all the time. I want to be able to eat and enjoy foods and not be so darn picky. I want to go to that one museum in Chicago again, just for old time's sake. I want to buy a phalaenopsis orchid and keep it alive, and I want it to be entirely pure white. I want to feel that I'm still allowing myself to shine through and not depend on presentation, even if I decide not to wear a grey shirt and plain blue jeans. Or even if I decide to wear makeup.
I want to lose myself one of these days, so that I'm not -- even in the back of my mind -- wondering what time it is and how I should be doing something else.
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