Benslammin' ™

FIRST THINGS FIRST, IF YOU PLAN ON ADDING ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE BEFOREHAND... NO MESSAGE = ME DEFUCKINGNYING YOU!
( 1 ) ELUSIVE
e - lu - sive
adj
Difficult to describe or define ;
( 2 ) FACETIOUS
fa - ce - tious
adj
Lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous ;
( 3 ) ABRASIVE
a - bra - sive
adj
Harsh, abrupt or sharply disagreeable ;
When prompted with the inevitable “ sell yourself in three words ” it amuses me how people automatically jump to the best character building adjectives they can conjure up in mere minutes, when in hindsight, they’re describing the adjectives of a manic depressive dosed up to the brow on Prozac ! – mine may not be character building, but they’re pretty damn apt!
So for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Benjamin . That’s Ben to you and everyone else. I despise the name Benjamin so refrain from calling me it… I also despise my middle name, so those of your fortunate enough to know it. Keep it to yourself of face castration by a rusty saw! It really isn’t much to ask. It also really isn’t much to ask for a simple message before an add. I don’t know what trailer park you were raised in, but where I come from, friendship usually comes AFTER introduction!
So I’m part English , Italian , Portuguese and Montenegrin – I know most people are geographically challenged or just plain retarded so before you ask; Montenegro is in Eastern Europe not the Caribbean or Africa. It’s okay, I don’t blame you for your retardedness, I blame the parents.
Like most, I have two sides to myself… forget Jekyll and Hyde , call it Benjamin and Ben . Benjamin is your average corporate whore working as a Paralegal within Corporate and Commercial Media and Entertainment Law, who hides behind his Dolce & Gabbana black rimmed glasses and is more comfortable in his bespoke suit and Tod’s loafers. Ben on the other hand is well… You’re average strawberry-stolichnya and soda guzzling junkie slut , dressed from head to toe in Dior who’s only saviour is Sigmund Freud . In conclusion… fucked up !
I'm abusing Myspace for pretty much the same reason as every other compulsive liar, sociopath, attention seeker and just plain deranged person signed to it.... to meet, seek and greet like minded (yes, we’ve established that this does in fact mean fucked up), COLOURFUL people. So if you have an addictive personality (or multiple personalities), suffer from anorexia/bulimia (or both) and consider the Priory Clinic your second home, feel free to add or message me. Although I don’t like to repeat myself like a scratchy Celine Dion CD, preferably a message before the add though, after all, friendship does usually come after introduction....
I despise bitchiness (unless of course it is moi that is doing the bitching!) so remember I AM THE BEST PERSON TO DISCUSS ME WITH!
Ohhhh and by the by, If you plan on adding me but happen to meet any of the following "no-no's" then bye bye biatch, you are wasting your time because I will defuckingny you....
1. You think it is funny/amusing/cute/endearing to call me Benjamin. Its not. No, really I’m deadly fucking serious!
2. You are jailbait…. What could I possibly have in common with a minor? If you can answer that one, I give you respect, that’s it. No add though, unfortunately.
3. You are 45, married with children and among other things, STRAIGHT -You know who you are… back the fuck off!
4. U spk like dis, innit man!
5. You add me only for the reason that my default picture will look good on your Myspace page
6. You think that I am going to have ANY type of sex with you just because I’ve accepted your add request; be it web-cam, MSN, phone, cyber or actual sex.
7. You like to add me, but don’t like to speak – what’s the fucking point? I’d rather have minimal Myspace friends that actually speak, than thousands who don’t even know who you are.
8. You are brainfucked or retarded, or unfortunately for you, a mixture of the both… I only have time for people with actual brain cells.
9. You plan on getting bad-ass with the keyboard if I deny you. Fighting .. is like racing in the special olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded.
10. You are one of those people that like to send bulletins a-plenty saying things like "if you don't repost this within 5 minutes of opening this, a ghost will rape your dog tonight".... How's about you get a life or more so a fucking HOBBIE!!!!
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Ben(jamin) G...(dream on, Like I'm telling!) Hallows
Birthday: 16th July 1986
Birthplace: North Weezy....Camden, London for those not in the know
Current Location: Romford, Essex
Eye Colour: Black, Hazel, Green or brown. They tend to change colour!
Hair Colour: Dark Brown AKA "Brasilia" according to L'Oreal
Height: 5.11
Right Handed or Left Handed: RIGHT! Lefties are weird!
Your Heritage: English, Italian, Portugese and Montenegrin (no Montenegro isn't in Afrcia!)
The Shoes You Wore Today: Kurt Geiger white brogues... they pinch like a slag and now have a blister on my foot the size of Africa, but fashion before pain!
Your Weakness: Greeeeeeen eyes!!!!
Your Fears: Erm.... Dr. Seuss. No really!
Your Perfect Pizza: Cheese, lots and lots of cheese!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To try and get through just ONE day without embarrassing myself!!!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: GEEEES! - Not really a phrase, but what the heck
Thoughts First Waking Up: Was it a dream because it sure felt real!?
Your Best Physical Feature: Erm my lips... they do take up half of my face after all!
Your Bedtime: I really got out of bedtime curfew when I hit puberty!!
Your Most Missed Memory: MISSED memory?? I don't have amnesia or alzhimers!
Pepsi or Coke: Coke all the time... Kate Moss does it so it must be good for you! Oh, were you talking about the drink????
MacDonalds or Burger King: Hmmm BSE vs Salmonella - decisions decisions!
Single or Group Dates: Single... not into orgies thanks!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Erm, like there's a fucking difference! I'd rather have a Chai Tea Latte thanks!
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla - Who doesn't love vanilla ; )
Cappuccino or Coffee: CAWFEEEEEE!
Do you Smoke: Cigarettes... Nope. Have been known to smoke grass, weed, hemp, crack, crack cocaine and heroin though
Do you Swear: Fuck yeah, all the fucking time mother fucker!
Do you Sing: Yes. Very loudly and out of tune!
Do you Shower Daily: Errrrr yeah!
Have you Been in Love: Yes and as quickly as it happened, the faster I thought what a cunt!
Do you want to go to College: Erm no, been there done that and got the qualifications!
Do you want to get Married: Only if Vera Wang will make my wedding dress
Do you get Motion Sickness: No. Does anyone???
Do you think you are Attractive: Erm well I get mine, but I'm not conceited so you decide!
Are you a Health Freak: YES! Self confessed exercise bulimic!
Do you get along with your Parents: Yeah of course, gotta love the old fogies!
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes.... Where is this going?
Do you play an Instrument: Erm personal much??
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: HAHA - Silly, SILLY qustion! Stay away from the Tequila/Tobasco shots kids!
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Yes. Having overcome the Heroin addiction, all the cunty wankers will give me now is Methodone which I jack up on a daily basis
In the past month have you been on a date: Hmmmmmm maaaaybe
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Oh yes.. in the past month I've been to like 6 biatch!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Randomly, yes - Hence exercise bulimia!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yes - yum yum yum
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nopes
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No - Not in the past month anyway ; )
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No - I'm not a klepto nor am I poor!
Ever been Drunk: Me, drunk, NEEEEVER!
Ever been called a Tease: No, been called a Cocktease a few times though!
Ever been Beaten up: Nope, I'm a lover not a fighter!
Ever Shoplifted: Did we not cover this already?
How do you want to Die: Riding Freddie Ljungberg!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Angelina Jolie's personal biatch/gimp!!!
What country would you most like to Visit: Brazil and Hawaii - Anyone care to take me?
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Green... hmm hmm hmmmmmmm!
Favourite Hair Color: I fooking love my brunettes!
Short or Long Hair: Short!
Height: The taller the better but not freakishly tall!
Weight: Not fussed, although if you can slap the fat and ride the wave, there is a serious issue!
Best Clothing Style: Unique but not contrived!
Number of Drugs I have taken: Are we talking today or in a lifetime??
Number of CDs I own: You really want me to count them? Are you CRAZY???
Number of Piercings: 1 - although not by choice!
Number of Tattoos: 2 - All nice and covered up!!!
Number of things in my Past I Regret: None, live for today not yesterday!
My Sluts and Bitches....
I have A Shit Load of Friends!
Ms. Cunmulaj
The Welfare-Sharpe
Suzie-Baby
Mr. Ip
Holly-Dolly
Najiiiib
La Beaver
Alfie
Ty
The Winter-Hope
Erin
Howie
Baby Mamma
Lawrence, innit!
Deee-Lay-Lay
Jenilee
Irsida
Andrea!
Sunny
Kingsley
John-Lennie
Dan Du Bois
Big D
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