Julius Caesar

Well, I'm sure you have heard of me. I was a pretty big deal back in the day. Let's see, where does one begin... Ever heard of the Roman Empire? Yeah, I started it. I am famous for conquering Gaul and changing the Roman republic into a monarchy, but my legacy lives on to this day mostly in the form of a tasty salad. Hey, I aint complaining! You have probably heard about my lousy friends who stabbed me in the back (no pun intended). A buddy of mine even wrote a pretty famous play about it. Alot of people ask me what it was like to be one of the most famous murder victims in history. It hurt. And that nonsense about me whispering "Et tu, Brute?" as my close friend stabbed me, well... I really just said "WTF Brutus!" to which he replied "PWNED!" What a fuckin dork. Big shout out to my adopted son Agustus who made sure that my assassins all got what was coming to 'em! Son, thanks for taking over the family business after I died. I'm really proud of you, but we need to talk about passing the empire down to that guy Tiberius. Not cool.