Em profile picture

Em

About Me


TELL ME YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS (OR SEND LOVELY GREETINGS!)

Free Cursors
LOVE
fresh flowers (but not carnations, they are to spell out words for dead people)
A very specific shade of baby pink
Bowls of sweets in living room at all times
Really pointy/impractical shoes (aside from a recent detour towards 40'sness...in my heart I am still a pointy girl)
Sarcasm...it is the single greatest way to endear yourself to me. Otherwise tedious & pointless people become sparkly & new when they are sarcastic. Try it, you might just like it.
Keeping a 9 to 5 lifestyle...but the other one
HATE
Ugly shoes...please stop it, it hurts
Drunken Irish people singing about home...dude you can get a flight for 99p, please feel free to fuck off
People who don't 'get' films...shhhh
Grown women who speak in leetle girlie voices
Smarmy men. Please just stop it.
Emily Watson. Watch her. wrong,wrong,wrong

My Interests

I'd like to meet:



Someone rich & famous at my place of work so that I may exploit their secret shame & live on the ill gotten gains. Alternatively I'd quite like to make another actress weep.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: Em
Birthday: Next saturday I shall be twenty nine & four quarters
Birthplace: Whitechapel
Current Location: In a room on an extremely uncomfortable chair
Eye Color: Bluey/reddish depends on the time my dear
Hair Color: Blond
Height: 5' 6"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left
Your Heritage: Cockney by birth & Essex Girl by upbringing. Unique by choice.
The Shoes You Wore Today: Were so fab that I received three compliments on their majesty
Your Weakness: Lonely folk
Your Fears: Things that scuttle, the dark, being trapped anywhere with a 'mad' person (if your friends say you're mad they rarely mean it in the party animal spirit you choose to take it...they mean you are an arsehole), having to return to an office job
Your Perfect Pizza: Would deliver itself to my sofa on a nice hot plate (don't do boxes) & be neither thick nor thin, with a crispy base, no crusts & oodles of pineapple & onion
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: That is a really wanky question...I choose not to work in an office in order to never have to answer questions of that nature
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: WHY are you abbreviating? Are you trying to irritate me??
Thoughts First Waking Up: I'm going to call in sick..
then I have to get up to get my 'phone, then I am already up...aha!!
It's a cunning trick I play each & every day in order to bring in enough cash to prevent starvation

Your Best Physical Feature: Feet
Your Bedtime: Lovely & late because I'm a big girl now.
Your Most Missed Memory: Being tiny enough to be carried up the stairs to bed
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King: Thai
Single or Group Dates: -
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Both sound vile...white wine please
Chocolate or Vanilla: Dark chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Non-smoker for seven months
Do you Swear: Hell yes
Do you Sing: Frequently & poorly
Do you Shower Daily: Yes but am a bubble bath girl at heart
Have you Been in Love: Yes & continue to be
Do you want to go to College: Nope. I have all the qualifications I need on my CV through the power of lying
Do you want to get Married: Eventually..but entirely privately
Do you belive in yourself: Yes. If I am alone in the house & I fall over I still make a noise
Do you get Motion Sickness: Find it best not to move around too much (just to be on the safe side)
Do you think you are Attractive: Nope
Are you a Health Freak: Hell no
Do you get along with your Parents: Friendship with Mum, Dad deceased
Do you like Thunderstorms: Love them..hate lightening though, I am a strange & muddled soul
Do you play an Instrument: No but shall force child to play guitar
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Absolutely
In the past month have you Smoked: Passively & 'twas marvellous
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yep
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: We call them shopping centres dear, & yes I have & it was quite unpleasant with plenty of 3 foot crusty nosed hooligans
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I believe we have those in icecream but no have never had a box
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No
In the past month have you been on Stage: No
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No...but I stole the most enormous picture from a large meatball producing superstore a couple of years ago & it was a highly pleasurable experience
Ever been Drunk: Tuesday night
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: No
Ever Shoplifted: Yep...see above. Also stole two green hair combs when I was five & then died of mortification when my mother made me return them & apologise to the entire shop the following week
How do you want to Die: A very old lady (without the smelling of wee)
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Happy
What country would you most like to Visit: Alaska is the only place I really wish I could see
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Chocolate/hazel
Favourite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long Hair: Long
Height: Tall
Weight: Proportional
Best Clothing Style: Scruffy but stylish, quirky & original
Number of Drugs I have taken: Three
Number of CDs I own: Less than twenty
Number of Piercings: All closed up now (& all on ears)
Number of Tattoos: Three
Number of things in my Past I Regret: One

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

EM'S INGENIOUS MOVIE INTERROGATION

GREATEST ACTRESS
Katherine Hepburn

GREATEST ACTOR
James Stewart

BEST CHARACTER (MALE)
Sailor, Wild At Heart

BEST CHARACTER (FEMALE)
Alabama Whitman, True Romance

TIMELESS MOVIE CLASSIC
The Philadelphia Story

RAINY DAY MOVIE
Life With Father

ACKNOWLEDGED TOP TEN FILMS

The Red Shoes
My Own Private Idaho
The Philadelphia Story
Say Anything
The Princess Bride
Pretty In Pink
The Age Of Innocence
Leon
Godfather 2
True Romance

SHAMEFUL SECRET FAVOURITES

Thirteen Going On Thirty
She's All That
Ten Things I Hate About You
& many more films for twelve year olds

FANTASY CAST

Bette Davis
Spencer Tracey
Katherine Hepburn
Cary Grant
Rufus Sewell
John Cusack
Drew Barrymore
Johnny Depp
(Random, moi?)

DREAM REMAKE

Vanity Fair, faithful to the novel. Reece Witherspoon was excellent but the bad men mangled the story.

MOST DETESTED FILM

Angela's Ashes...I'm sorry but how many dead babies were there in the first twenty minutes? & to have to contend with Emily Watson's moon face too?...hey kids, if you're starving why don't you eat Angela?

ACTRESS YOU DESPISE

Emily Watson...loved her in Equilibrium though... BECAUSE THEY BURN HER

ACTOR YOU DETEST

Tom troubled Cruise naturally & currently Joshua Jackson; not that the poor dear is setting the golden screen alight, but I don't get the whole Joshua Jackson thing...he has a bollock head. This choice is brought to you by Emily's ill-informed decision to watch The Skulls this week!

GREATEST DIRECTOR
David Lynch

MOVIE QUOTE
"I do not think that means what you think it means."

WHO PLAYS YOU IN THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE?
Sarah Jessica Parker naturally!

WHICH MOVIE CHARACTER SUMS YOU UP BEST?
Lucy Ackerman, If Lucy Fell

"& THE WINNER IS..." WHICH OSCAR DOES THE ACADEMY AWARD YOU? Best Screenplay
Take this Survey / Create Your Own Survey
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My Blog

Being a very bad person

What, I wonder, does it say about me that these days whenever I go to see a cheesy movie I derive as much entertainment from oblique threats of violence to smallish children as I do from the whol...
Posted by on Fri, 18 Jan 2008 13:32:00 GMT

I want to be a Biscuiteer!!!

It's getting to be a very naughty habit, sitting here surfing when I'm supposed to be working.  It is further infused with Very Bad Shame because, only two years ago, I still associated surfing w...
Posted by on Sat, 24 Nov 2007 12:16:00 GMT

Its time for the Badger Parade

Well it has been a long time since last we spoke.  This month in the house of Emily has been all about getting very very excited about Xmas.  I mean worryingly excited.  This weekend th...
Posted by on Fri, 16 Nov 2007 11:15:00 GMT

Theyre heeeeeeere!!!

  This week Emily will mostly be wearing... LOVE THEM!!! J
Posted by on Wed, 24 Oct 2007 10:59:00 GMT

Shoes, shoe shoe shoe, SHOES

I could weep.  Really & truly I could sit right here on this highly-impractical-for-long-term-sitting chair & weep.  For I have seen such a shoe today - such I shoe as I have never b...
Posted by on Thu, 04 Oct 2007 12:24:00 GMT

The great copy approval trade off!

My new column came out on Wednesday & once again there was a little bit of shock horror mixed in with the woo hoo's!  I had taken a bit of a cheeky liberty & used portions of an 'accident...
Posted by on Sun, 09 Sep 2007 09:56:00 GMT

Things & stuff

Speedy speedy Emily catch up... This month my first column came out, I made my garden pretty with impractical furniture & cushions & got robbed blind by an unscrupulous peg selling gardener.&n...
Posted by on Wed, 08 Aug 2007 15:25:00 GMT

Do unto others (or suffer THE SHAME)

Well this is just TYPICAL.  In the course of writing one conversation in one section of one chapter I make an eensie teensie little mention of teenagers today having no commitment to self-ha...
Posted by on Sun, 08 Jul 2007 18:58:00 GMT

STOP interfering with Elwes!

There is a conspiracy afoot in Hollywoodland to take the career of one of its greatest swashbuckling heroes over to the darkside.  Too long have I stood in silent disapproval, now has come the ti...
Posted by on Sun, 24 Jun 2007 03:09:00 GMT

But why the Cornish accent?!

The good news is that I have wrote, written & writ; oodles & oodles of wonderful profound prose has oozed out of my tip tapping fingers like cream out of the cream cake I now cannot ...
Posted by on Mon, 11 Jun 2007 20:06:00 GMT