THE ROMEO DOGS...
YOU START WITH DANNY GARDNER. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU ARE WHO IS READING THIS, DANNY PLAYS GUITAR BETTER THAN YOU DO. HE ALWAYS WILL. BLINDFOLDED. WITHOUT A CIGARETTE. HE WRITES BITCHIN' SONGS, TOO. BLINDFOLDED. WITHOUT A WORD PROCESSOR. OR A THESAURUS. THEN YOU ADD IN A PINCH OF MISTER DAVE. BECAUSE ANYMORE THAN A PINCH OF MISTER DAVE IS LETHAL, AS THE VIENNA CHOIR BOYS, LIBERACE, AND THE BOLSHOI BALLET HOUSE BAND HAVE COME TO FIND OUT. HE ONCE PLAYED KEYBOARDS WITH JUKE BOY BONNER FOR 145 YEARS. THEN THE SUN CAME UP IN THE WEST. DAVE WEARS FUNNY HATS AND PLAYS SERIOUS KEYS. DON'T FUCK WITH THE HAT. THE VATICAN HAS RULED IT OFF LIMITS. THE SWISS GUARD WILL KILL YOU. NEED A REASON TO LIVE? THAT WOULD BE STEVE BROD'S DRUMMING. WHEN STEVE IS FINISHED CUTTING A TRACK, THE RECORDING AUTOMATICALLY GETS PUT INTO A TIME CAPSULE BY BARRACK OBAMA AND SHOT INTO OUTER SPACE BY NASA. WHEN HE'S NOT BUSY SETTING OFF AIRPORT METAL DETECTORS, MIKE MANNING HAS BEEN LAYING DOWN FUNK-A-LICIOUS BASS SINCE HE WAS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING IN HIS MOTHER'S WOMB IN 1957. GOOD THING, TOO, BECAUSE HE HAS NO OTHER REDEEMING QUALITIES.
THE BRIDES OF JESUS...
JONES NEVER MET AN OVERDUB, EQ, MULTI-TRACK, EFFECT, SUB MIX, CIRCUIT, OR WHEATSTONE BRIDGE THAT HE COULDN'T CONQUER. NOR HAS HE MET A PIECE OF VINTAGE GEAR THAT HE DIDN'T ACQUIRE. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MIX A GEAR HEAD GUITARIST WITH A MASTER ELECTRICIAN. MARK MURPHY? HE WAS JESUS ON BROADWAY, WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PROJECT NAME BUT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH WHY HE IS A VOCALIST IN THE PROJECT. MIKE MANNING PLAYS A CABOOSE LOAD OF INSTRUMENTS AND WRITES THE HITS. NOT SONGS. HITS. SOMETIMES YOU EVEN HEAR THEM ON RADIO, TELEVISION, FILMS, AND COMMERCIALS. STEVE BROD PLAYS DRUMS. YEAH, THAT STEVE BROD. EQUALLY IMPORTANT TO THE PROJECT IS ENGINEER MATT FABULOUS, WHO HAS THE DOCTORATE IN CHINESE ARITHMETIC NECESSARY TO KEEP ALL OF THE SOUNDS FLYING AROUND THE STUDIO WHEN THESE MADMEN CONVENE IN SOME KIND OF MEANINGFUL ORDER.
TRAILER PARK PLAYBOYS: HOUSTON PRESS BEST OF HOUSTON 2002. ENOUGH SAID.
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