My name is Chris, I live in Eden, North Carolina, and I'm 29 years old. I'm an average woman who just wants a good life. My family is extremely important to me. We are very close and most people would cringe at that fact but, I love them very much and I can't imagine my life without them in it. My daughter Savannah Rae, who, besides myself and my recovery, is such a blessing in my life and she comes first and foremost. I'm finally learning how to live life and I would love to share how wonderful and possible it is with anyone who is willing to know! I want someone who knows what they want out of life and is willing to do whatever it takes to get it, someone who sets goals for themselves and though they might not always accomplish their goal, at least they are willing to attempt it, someone who loves me at my best and even at my worst, someone who believes I'm beautiful even when I KNOW I look bad, someone who takes me for who I am, someone who would never try to change me or would never want me to change or be anyone or anything other than who I already am, someone who loves me for me and I will love him for him and all of the above. I was blessed to be able to marry him on September 23, 2006! Tommy Wells is my best friend and soul mate and I thank God for him everyday! LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE NUMBER OF BREATHS WE TAKE, BUT BY THE NUMBER OF MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH, and when I'm around him I can hardly breathe!
Also:
Okay, so I've had a TON of people wondering where I've been for the last 28 days. I initially told everyone that I was in the hospital for my crohn's disease, which isn't all a lie. I was VERY ashamed to tell people the truth to begin with or ask for help. I've realized that I'm an extreme people pleaser or WAS anyway. Now, I know the only person I need to please is MYSELF. I have been in a 28 day rehab center called the Life Center of Galax. They saved my life. I was extremely addicted to methadone. I blamed the doctor for putting me on it, I blamed God thinking that He hated me and that I was being punished, I had a HORRIBLE amount of self-pity and was basically blaming everything and everyone for my problem when all along it was ME! I didn't have a "using" problem, I had a "LIVING" problem. I NOW KNOW that God loves me. He gave me my diseases(Crohn's and Addiction) for a purpose. He knows I'm strong enough to handle them and they are my purpose because without them I would have never gone to the center and learned how wonderful life could be. He never left my side, I left His while all along He was waiting patiently for my safe return. There are so many more people out there far more worse than me and they live life instead of just exsisting. It wasn't the doctor's fault. I was fully aware of what the drug would do. He didn't shove them down my throat. I also learned the difference between physical pain and physical discomfort and there is a HUGE difference! I can cope with things now instead of taking pills to solve my problems. I'm living life on life's terms now. What a release it is to be free of denial. I never thought life could be like this. I can actually go to bed and wake up without having to take pills to function. I have no control of my thoughts but I'll always have control of my actions. I'll always be an addict but I'll be a recovering instead of active addict. I have the only progressive, incurable, fatal disease that I don't have to die from if I choose not to. I CHOOSE LIFE. Life is even better now than before I started using. I've learned to appreciate even the littlest things and not take anything for granted. It's overwhelming to think that I can NEVER take anything or drink the rest of my life(my program consists of NO mind-altering chemicals) but if I just do this thing one day at a time, every 24 hours, then it's possible. I've already decided not to use or drink today because today is all we are promised. We are not promised tomorrow so if you have one foot in the past and one in the future then you're pissing all over today. Live in the NOW! I can do anything as long as I'm willing and with the help of God, my sponser, my family, my friends, the 12 steps, AA/NA meetings, and being open-minded. My recovery is MINE and I'm holding on to it with clenched fists. Nothing or No one can make me use. The only thing that will cause me to use again is ME! I am working a selfish recovery. That means I'm putting me first and loving myself first. When I do that then I become the woman I deserve to be. This program has given me my self-worth back and I KNOW I'm beautiful, inside and out! If you want what I have then I'll be happy to tell you because I have to give it away to keep it, but as far as MY recovery and sobriety go, IT'S MINE. I can tell you how to get your own but then you have to be willing to work your butt off. You have to put as much into getting clean and sober as you put into using and drinking. When you do that and break free from denial, wonderful and magical things start to happen. You find a freedom like you could never imagine unless you've expierenced it. I've learned that it's okay if people don't like me. As long as I like myself then that's all that matters. I apologize to all of my TRUE friends for not telling the truth in the beginning. I was ignorant for thinking that my loved ones didn't care about me or my problems. I KNOW now that they do. I'll never make this mistake again. I'm only as sick as the secrets I keep and now I have none. Thanks to everyone for your well wishes and concerns. Life has just begun for me and it is NEVER TOO LATE! TELL YOURSELF: JUST FOR TODAY- I'M BEAUTIFUL. TELL YOURSELF: JUST FOR TODAY- I WILL PUT MY ALL INTO MAKING MYSELF HAPPY BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT AND I DESERVE IT. TELL YOURSELF: JUST FOR TODAY- I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO STAY CLEAN AND SOBER AND LIVE LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS.
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