Whoever wants to shoot the shit!!!!! ............................................................ ............................................................ ............................................................ ........................................................ AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES1.If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by simplyusing the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be to afraid to cough. 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache. 8. Chapped lips? Rub chicken $hit on them. It won't ease the chapping, but it will keep you from licking them. 9. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are. You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. And finally.....Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. One out of every four people suffer from a mental disorder. If you have three friends, and none of them have a problem ....well .... you do the math! ................ ......... ..... ............................................................ ............... Redneck Man's Pickup Lines: 1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away. 2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special. 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea . I can't hold it in. 4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out. 5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em. 6) If you was a tree I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole. 7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away. 8) Man - "Fat Penguin!" Woman - "WHAT?" Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice." 9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock. 10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room. 11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner. 12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon. and.... the best for last! 13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up