I have hands that are endowed with the power to make everything I touch turn to scat. I don't like to take advantage of my gift, so I only use to better the human race by stroking milk that has neared its sell by date so that everyone is aware that it was sour and farming harmful bacteria that if ingested, could potentially raise the amount of salt in your body to 4 times its normal level and you have to cry out the excess, otherwise you'd just end up sweating on the inside and get a bad smell coming from your brain. I also shit myself most days.
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