Wednesday, April 23, 2008 Leaving behind,Hallena,Sarah.Leaving the past
I have to say this,I can't keep holding ontoor getting hung up on the past anymore or having false or delusionals hopes,I have to let it go and move on.
I Realize Though I might want things to be a way or as it was they won't be.
I can only move beyond it and need to live my life and leave it behind.I can't live for the thought of Hallena,Sarah or what was.Theres no getting back the past or what was.I'm just going to live my life and what happens happens.I can't keep thinking about it.I can only live life as it comes,not worrying about what may or may not happen.
Honest I don't know or understand what my feeling for Hallie were but they aren't going anywhere.
Don't mistake this as a statement of starting over,its not.I feel the best times in my life have past,all the best times of my life have pasted me.The people and friends unpresidented and unrivalable.
I feel a future has past me.that there are no beginnings left,Only endings of fond memories and rememberance.I feel that they're are gone.
That time I work Amc will never be again,I'll never work in place like Amc again, where People seemed to genuinely cared about eachother as people even outside of work or Barnies where I was appreciated and treated like and equal.
I'll always be there even for people even if they scorn me if they need.
If they want something to do with me in the future than ok,if not than whatever
Hallena,I'm not writing this for your benefit.I'm doing this for me
============People say they want me to be myself but then reject who I am and resent me for being who I am.Those who discarded me,cringe and are revulted by what they see.Who find it so easy to reject me for who I am.Hate me you duplicitous Liars if you want,I don't care and you're are pathetic in my eyes.
People who aren't pained by the this world are to ignorent or delustional to aknowledge sufferig in this world,around us constantly.People who just look to the sunny side ignoring the horrible and choose to ignore the pains in this world and that they feel themselfs.I can't stand such people.Don't overlook the painful just to look on the good.Don't hide from the truth.
Quite fankly becoming an adult and Taking responsibility just words used to excuse giving up on what you believe in and you're dreams and compromise who you are to survive.
Would you risk everything,put yourself out for the one thing you want and needed.What you desire above all else.Thats what people should think about,what they are passionate about. I would,have and would again even in the face of fear or being terrified to do so. I'm more afraid of letting an opportunity pass or losing whats and who's important to me or not saying how I feel.
Sometimes you need to hate,be angry,week, insecure.Like you need some one,a friend to trust,to help you,protect you from what you cant hanlde from time to time and help you whe you shouldn't hide from any emotions.How you deal with it that makes you the person you are.
I still beleive in true love and always will.
I need to be and express who I am.To write,draw,read...to express the who I am.I can only be who I am,even if I tried to be something other than I am the person I am would break through,I simply can't be something other than who I am.Its not a choise,its a matter of fact. =================================================Gaara vs Himself
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All Is Full of Love
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