Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, I am from Drafnos - that tiny fleck of a planet on the outer fringes of the Orebelrom Galaxy.
It has often been noted in the journals of cosmic Drafnosian explorers, that Earths creatures, particularly the human variety are readily and with only mild provocation, irritated by the Drafnosian disposition. Armed with this knowledge, the Supreme Cortizalean of Drafnos exiled me to your planet as punishment for a cultural misstep that would be of such little consequence as to make no sense if explained to you in earthly terms. Suffice it to say, on Drafnos such a misstep required death, banishment, or a season of picking the equivalent of produce in the scorching rays of the seven suns. The decision of punishment was of the sole discretion of the Supreme Cortizalean.
The Supreme Cortizalean was not supreme by birthright or luck of the draw, but was supreme because of an excessively head-oozing abundance of profound wisdom and foresight. Thus, when faced with the decision of penalty, Cortizalean, believing that he could savagely pulverize sloot filgnertz with dint poontorg, so to speak, dubbed me as Irritator and sent me to avenge the Earthings for eons and eons of having more enjoyable means of reproduction than did the Drafnosians.
Irritators task on Earth was a simple one. Irritator would merely behave like any Drafnosian would. This would however, irk the piddle out of the more pleasurably reproductive Earthlings. In turn, the earthlings would shun Irritator for simply being himself.
Cortizalean outdid himself in this endeavor and was awarded the Ordonial Weensig, the highest honor created exclusively for this achievement. To this day, the whole of the planet Drafnos remembers the day as Cortizaleanofutanitishinet which loosly translated means, the day Cortizalean conquered the humans.
With the passing of many revolutions of the Earth around its Sun, through the assistance of many failed experiences and a solid knock on the head, Irritator learned that he would never be like the earthlings and would never be free to move among them without his mildest of movement instigating what can only be described as an emotional rash. From that realization, Irritator concluded that he would merely study humanity and periodically report back to the mother ship while he lives out the remains of his sentence.
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