Hands Down the Illest Ventriloquist

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Born in pre-Nazi Germany in 1967, Matt LaRose was said to be the cybernetic love child of metal god Ronnie James Dio, and Ray Finkle of Miami Dolphins fame. He spent most of his childhood living in the castles of California, and learning the finer points of how to shank a field goal from 32 yards away. That is, until his 25th birthday in 1980, when he realized that his babysitter Jolene was actually a man, and all those times playing “Hide the Sausage”, made far more sense him.Matt did a short stint in jail in 1927 however, when he was wrongfully accused of kidnapping a 36 year old female and holding her captive for 2 days, while trying to explain to her the story of Coheed and Cambria and the Amory Wars. Once released Matt was given a $5 settlement from the government for his wrongful conviction, and Matt was quoted as saying “I told them time and time again I didn’t do it…Cause if I kidnapped a woman I would have skinned her face and wore it like a mask while I do my little kooky dance…But no one would listen to me.”Things went well for Matt for a while until sometime in the middle of 1952, when Matt saw his former babysitter doing a “Donkey Show” in Little Havana. All of a sudden all those memories of playing midnight games of “Knuckle Deep Bowling Grip” flashed though his head, and in a fit of rage, Matt beat him to death with a brick that he and a girl had stolen off the sidewalks of Boston at 12:30am one night. However, in true horror movie fashion, the fatal blow to Jolene’s skull was also a fatal blow to Matt, as a chunk of brick flew off and got wedged in between Matt’s fingers…killing him instantly.Shortly after his untimely death, Matt was sent to “heaven” which actually turned out to be just a room full of old men smoking cigars and playing cards with “God”…”God” by the way, is actually a 6ft. tall penguin wearing a cowboy hat. After “God” told Matt that the world is a joke and its quite comical to him that people worship non-existent idols, he gave Matt the option to play Rummy 500 for the rest of eternity, or be reincarnated back into a human. Matt then chose the latter of the two, and was brought back to his current state…Born in 1984 to Mark and Debbie LaRose, Matt has spent the last 23 years of his life trying to make the best of it all, while resenting fake people, and staying true only to his friends…who know him only as “Matty” What is next for Matty? Is it a battle with a 12ft. tall hot dog? Is it to spend his days watching women’s beach volleyball? Or maybe he’ll end up as a working stiff the rest of his life. The only one who knows is that 6ft. tall, cowboy hat rocking penguin…the false idol for oh so many weak minded people. When asked what is next for him, Matty simply replied, “All I know is I like boobies…whatever happens from there on out…I’m game…”
Hit me upon aol cunts...PBnJisBOMB13
b_l_o_o_d_b_r_o_t_h_e_r_s
I will show you all that I have mastered: Fear, Pain, Hatered, Power...this is the art of Ruin.
Do it, no excuses.
There was a time you ment everything to me, but now i see you're just like everyone else...
You are Mike!
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