My mother once told me about someone (a philosopher I think it was) who believed that everyone has four sides to their personality: The side that both you and everybody else sees, the side that only you can see, the side that everybody else can see but you can't, and the side that nobody can see. I totally believe and agree with this, and so many people will probably read whatever it is that I write here and then think that I am totally wrong. I think this very often about what people say about themselves on their Myspace pages and I end up logging out in a huff because I can't stand how all these people whom I love so much can be so completely up themselves, so please guys, whatever I am about to write, correct me, agree with me, whatever, because I would love to know what the side of my personality that I can not see but everyone else can is like (for instance, Rachel Baron told me that I am sugary on the outside but chewy on the inside... like those tiny Japanese cakes you get at sushi restaurants- I still haven't quite figured out what that means,but I like it :-D). This is what I THINK I am like:
-I have recently developed a total obsession with Alan Rickman.
How could you not love that gorgeous face?
-I am cheery and bubbly in person, but the minute I put pen to paper or finger to keyboard, I find everything I hate about the words and become the most bitter shrew one may have ever met.
-A FEW of my views are so controversial that I refuse to tell them to anyone but my parents (and often not even them) for fear of being viewed as evil. Most of them, however, I gladly flaunt to the world (or at times, impose upon other people).
-I can be very prim and proper and mature and unspontaneous at times- and alot of people would consider that to be a bad thing, and that it is better and more glamorous to be "wild" or whatever, but I think balance is the most important- and I believe myself to be very balanced between the two extremes, but more mature than average.
-I can not stand it when people brag about stuff that should not actually be anything to aspire to.
-I can not stand it when people brag, full stop. I admit that I can do it too though.
-I do not believe that anyone's nationality defines them- I believe that one's EXPERIENCES shape them. Having said that, I realise that the culture someone grows up in has probably the largest impact possible on what these experiences are, but I still see that as no reason to judge them.
-I have moved many times and between many schools and had to make new friends many times, and I believe that has shaped me very much and I would not have it any other way.
-I believe that anyone can look good as long as they are HEALTHY- regardless of what their natural build is (skinny, voluptuous, curvy, shapeless).
-I hate it when people assume that someone can't be skinny and curvy at the same time, or when people assume that anyone who is larger IS curvy- curves and size are completely irrelevant to eachother and I am getting more and more sick of people calling me skinny, PRETENDING to mean it as a compliment when really I can tell that they are thinking (my butt and boobs are so much bigger and better). I also can't stand when people call me skinny and they obviously genuinely mean it as a compliment- It's not as bad as the first thing, but I'm just never sure what to make of it... I've never thought of it as a good thing or a bad thing, just as more of a random statement, like "your hair is brown" or whatnot. Just as no slim person should ever make a larger girl feel bad or "fat" (unless it is genuinely damaging her health), nobody should ever try to make a slim girl feel bad about "not having any butt" (again, unless she needs to see a doctor about an eating disorder or whatnot). Besides....... I know I look fantastic :-p
-I can't stand emos who slit their wrists for attention or think it's cool to act like they hate the world and are always upset- it's so annoying, and I can't stand negative people. I know I'm being negative right now, but I'm not emo.
-There are many things about myself that I hate about other people- so yes guys, I KNOW I'm a hypocrite. Sometimes I care about what is wrong with myself and I try to improve it- often quite successfully, believe it or not.
-Although I can be very negative (like now, for instance), I really genuinely appreciate everything I have and I do tend to dwell on the happier things rather than the sad things and I love my life.
-As far as people in my life go, I am very blessed and I feel I have learned alot.
-My biggest insecurities are probablly about success- I feel terrible about myself if I get a bad grade and not straight As.... which might come as a surprise to those who know that I am not always a good student, and I'm very insecure about what people will think of me if I do not get into a top-notch university. Schoolwork is probably the one area of my life where the most pressure is put on me by my parents, myself and my view of what everyone will think of me if I'm not the best- pretty much, I don't want anyone to think that they are more intelligent than I am.
-Having said that, I do know that I am very intelligent even if I don't always apply myself. I can't stand it when I say something and people think it is something stupid when it is actually just above their comprehension, which I previously overestimated- and that happens quite a bit actually.
-For the past two years I have really wanted to become a tattoo artist, but I will still want to go to college- multiple times, just for the fun of it.
-My greatest fears are being kidnapped and tonsilectomies.
-I like to plan things at least 24 hours in advance usually, because I prefer to get a shower every 24 hours (because I'm that sweaty), and I hate to walk around feeling disgusting so there are times when I don't like making spontaneous plans.
-There is a wide variety of music that I like- in fact it's extremely wide.
-I'm sure that I will have alot to add to this later- I mean, who doesn't love to talk about themselves endlessly?
"I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."-Voltaire
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