Kosher Salami

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I'm SUPER man. My mom calls me perfect, my dad don't call. My dog acts like a cat. I'm full of inside jokes so you can never see me laugh. I can say the alphabet backwards faster than you can forwards. *WARNING: To much of me makes love babies* I have a plan that if I don't have a steady companion, i.e.; wife or girlfriend, by the time I'm 35yrs. of age I will just kidnap one. I like to follow dreams and ignore road signs. Over the years I have become a professional stalker which makes me a firm believer in practice makes perfect! People try to figure me out but they end up coming in. 76 pepperonis go on a large pepperoni lovers pizza and i remember that how? I have Ecclesiophobia but i think its all in my head.