Swing music. Nudity. Staring at nudity. Revealing interests. Beating the crap out of life. Wearing a mask in the dark naked. Burning candles naked. Blood. Watching Bloodsport. Hockey playoffs. Swedish poker. German Tennis. Ethnics.
I'd Like To Meet somebody tall, bold and sexually experienced. Preferably Spanish, with a stylish mustache, thick shampoo afro, and also in love with pudding. Perhaps she likes looking at things while exasperating. Or just dinner and a movie. Slow dancing at jazz in the park. Or just moving away to the Cayman Islands.I'd like to meet France someday. With a canoe, a limo driver, and The Big River. My ideal lover is tall, with zebra skin. Silky, like a Will Smith. Backwards, like a David Lynch. Wreckless, like a Pauly Shore. Naked like a Bare-naked Lady. Smooth, like Barry Manalow, and yet hallow, like my mother's mothers. Black like a stale avocado, tired like Michael Jordan's "Slam Dunk" But comfortable as Monday night reruns on the WB. Fresh like the breeze, and busy as the bees. Fluent, as well as experienced, in the art of beekeeping (As my lover I demand 5lb of honey a day). As a matter of duty, my ideal lover and I will drink tea after one o clock in the after noon. Little Calvin will sew himself a sweater and Jack will draw a portrait of the day. Meanwhile grandpa will keep a close eye on the lock. The children will gawk at the impossibilities. As will I.
In order of importance: Hip Hop/Slayer (It's hard to pick a number one). What do you like? Send me an e-mail sometime, let me know. I listen to El Dia Primera. A little too new for my taste, but right on. I love you. If you didn't know, I probably do. Sport a mink coat and you've got my cock. Hands down.
Never get too close to a naked gun. Moderater. Mamma's Family. Sister Sister reruns. Don't tell mom the baby sitter's dead. Stop or my mom'll shoot. Throw Mamma from the train. Mom's Gone, Lets Have a Party. John Reeves, Where Are You? By Ashley Lamey. "Long Walk. No Shoes. Goodbye Sanity, and Richard Edwards." Monday Night football is what Gay People watch. I know because I watch Gay People... just to see what they'll come up with next. I love the Packers. GO SHIT!!! Jerry's hit or miss, though. What else, hmmm. My first favorite movie is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (No Kidding). Also, when Vanilla Ice played a rapper in part 2, I was first in line, and not disappointed. I bought the cassette right after. And of coarse The Shawshank Redemption.
Off The Face Of the Earth For A Couple Years. Bullfighting home videos. Is it me, or does The Family Guy get less funny the more you watch it? Kind of what happened to Screech, too. But way less hilarious.
Never Stand Too Close To A Naked Man, By Tim Allen. I think that was funny. Got it for Christmas one year. Philip K. Dick is my current favorite. But so what? Are you looking for a recommendation? Hunter Thompson is interesting. He gives me the adrenachrome jitters with mescal on the side. Vonnegut's been a longtime fav. You might like him. He's kind of like the Grandfather you always wanted, or perhaps have. But if you've already got him, why read em? Go to your grandpas while you still can. Tim Allen offers a humorous list of penis nicknames. Never underestimate grade 5. That's a good one. Also, my favorite book IS, hands down, Death to Lawson's Swag. I don't car who, but Lawson will kill them while they stand. Not cool, by the way!!!
Tanya Harding. Period.