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beardcore

The varmint: America's best

About Me

I was born at a very early age to human parents. I stand over twenty-five stories tall and I once defeated a steam engine in a steel-driving contest, only to lay down my hammer, collapse and die before I could enjoy my victory. My favorite food is spaghetti.

My Interests

My interests include long walks on the beach, creating the Grand Canyon with a single swipe of my mighty ax, casual sex, and polishing my collection of Olympic gold medals, Nobel prizes and Congressional Medals of Honor.

I'd like to meet:

Some nice folks who won't roll my battered, broken body into a rug, urinate on it, and throw it into a wood chipper.

Music:

I'm a laborer who earns his keep by the sweat of his brow, and I won't lay down my hard-earned American dollars for anything other than Crazy Town's the Gift of Game until I get it in every format: CD, cassette, LP, reel-to-reel, 8-track, PSP, mp3, you name it.

Movies:

Well, the movie theater boycott has ended, as I saw Broken Flowers on September 15, 2005. It may be another three years before I go back, though. By then it will be time for Broken Flowers 2: Trial By Fire!

Books:

The last five: 5. Rabbit is Rich; John Updike4. Sabbath's Theater; Philip Roth3. Post Office; Charles Bukowski2. Fathers and Sons; Ivan Turgenev1. City of God; E.L. Doctorow

Heroes:

The courage shown by Abraham Lincoln in his secret battle with Oxycontin addiction is a daily source of inspiration.