omar profile picture

omar

Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.

About Me


I'm used to luxury cars.
Have you ever heard of a luxury car?
You know what luxury means?
Ever heard of Cadillac? Cadillac Eldorado?
That's what I drive.
I drive cars that shift themselves.

My Interests

fish petting
elephant doctoring
kitty rescuing
squashbuckling
crackalacking
converting Asians into corn
PenguinCats with neckties
AssJamborees
also, i am an expert at polishing shitballs into beautiful shit covered butterflies

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet Sir Mix-A-Lot.
And Mr. Belvedere, Alf, Fonzie, Batman, George Jefferson, Joan Collins, Sharon Osbourne, Wink Martindale and Dolly from the Family Circus.
And Marmaduke.
And the person who first put bacon on a cheeseburger.
And Willie Tyler and Lester.

Music:

Cries Due To Lies
Washington Steamboat
Hall (not that motherfucker Oates), JFKFC,
The Torleners, Garvis,
That bear band at Disneyland
Conway Twitty, Guided by Voices, Dr. Octagon, Rahzel,Pretty Leaves, Mindforce One, Turd Virgin, Tenative Donkey,
Careless Whiskers, Chicken Knickers, El Titty Zombie,
H2MoMo, Stray F,
PattyBakky

Movies:

The World's Biggest Gang Bang 2, Bi Bi Birdie, Urban Cowboy, Mary Kate and Ashley vs. Godzilla, C.H.U.D., Gigli, Yentl, Superman IV, Tobor the Great

Books:

Rats Live In My Butthole by Danielle Steel,
The Peaceable Kingdom by Stan Richards,
Superfudge, Bootyclapping: The Memoirs of Esther Rolle,
Songbook by Nick Hornby

Heroes:

That fucking Asian kid from the film Oh God! Book II.
I think his name was Shinto or Shingo.
And Linus.
And the Archbishop Don Magic Juan.

My Blog

I may also be Dannielynn's father.

It's true. Five months ago, I was in LA on business. I was staying at the W in Westwood. After work, I met some friends for dinner and celebrity spotting at Mr. Chow. The squab is delicious by the way...
Posted by omar on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 01:49:00 PST

somebody stole my Exclamation Pants!

fucking sonofabitch!thank god i have farmer's insurance!after i pay a $1,000,000 deductible, i'll be able to buy a brand new pair!maybe i'll get the kind with the special dillywhomper pockets!!!EXCLAM...
Posted by omar on Fri, 09 Feb 2007 02:18:00 PST

Dear God...

Please take me away to Safety Town. Where I will learn what to do when I see a stop sign and then afterward we can cook hot dogs using my special hot dog rake.HOT DOG RAKE! SAFETY TOWN!......please......
Posted by omar on Wed, 31 Jan 2007 02:17:00 PST

Free Full Body Shampoo

So, as some of you know, I've been working on getting my Full Body Shampooer License for quite a while now. Those classes are more difficult than you think!! But, I'm finally in the homestretch. I jus...
Posted by omar on Mon, 29 Jan 2007 08:22:00 PST

Cornish Game Hens

My favorite DC Comics characters:1. The Flash2. Green Lantern3. Batman4. Black LightningMy favorite ex-latitude employees:1. Scott Nava2. Greg Weiss3. Cody Walker4. Kristen MertensMy favorite latitude...
Posted by omar on Wed, 24 Jan 2007 11:59:00 PST

Jeff Tweedy, Shit

This best thing about his show this past Saturday night at the Granada?I'll tell you.In the restroom, there's a long line to use the three urinals and one stall.The process is very efficient. When you...
Posted by omar on Mon, 22 Jan 2007 10:47:00 PST

2007 Trend Forecasting

OUT: PuppiesIN: BabiesOUT: Black Tar HeroinIN: Coolah Energy DrinkOUT: 16 Slice CT AngiographyIN: 64 Slice CT AngiographyOUT: LentilsIN: Jelly BeansOUT: High FivesIN: Butterfly KissesOUT: Polish Bike ...
Posted by omar on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 07:29:00 PST

Whos Hungary for chickenbutthole soup?!?!?

That's right! Omar Jr.
Posted by omar on Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:21:00 PST

If you like fishing

If you like fishing or someone close to you is that crazy man, and you want to surprise him with the best fishing pole ever made if fishing history - please let me know and I'll explain it to you. It'...
Posted by omar on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 02:46:00 PST

Black & Decker Leaf Hog, you complete me.

How did I go so long without you?I am so looking forward to my new, leaf-free lifestyle.Rakes and brooms, you are no longer welcome at my house. I laugh mockingly at your inadequacies....
Posted by omar on Fri, 15 Dec 2006 01:01:00 PST