APE MAN

Don't listen to Tom and his friggin warning... It's really me, and my very own********************* MEET THE RESIDENTS OF ___APE MAN ISLAND_____

..*********************** BELOW IS EACH PERSON ON APE MAN ISLAND ALONG WITH THEIR BIO... *********************** _______ NALANI ________ Friendly Susie who Ape renamed Nalani.. (Na-lan-nee "calmness of the skies) is often laughing... Rumor has it that years ago- Ape sat on a rock looking into the shallows of a small brooks, calm waters... Falling asleep with his chin in hand - he woke moments later and saw then, a beautiful smile appearing amongst the blue sky and puffy white clouds... Now he'd seen things before that others didn't, so he smiled back... Startled when the smiling face said, "Hi, want to play" he fell into the water.. Laughing, her helping hand, greeted him back to reality... Ape shared soon after his imaginary Island - and Susie laughed saying, "Your nuts, Can I go".. The two like walking the Islands quiet places - but all can hear the laughter... They play their hearts out like kids - and nap like two bottle feed chimps... Who's keeping who warm and who's keeping who sane ~ nobody knows for sure... When Ape hears the name Susie mentioned he breaks out with a smile and laughter and adds loudly, Wowie.... He loves calling her of course, "Susie Wowie"..... ______APE MAN GIRL_____ There isn't anyone who can claim the role "Ape Man's Girl" better than Tia ~ She has a heart as beautiful as a yellow banana, and a bikini in matching color that drives Ape, ape. They both live out on Ape Point and have worn a winding steep path down to the waters edge Ape Man calls the "Skinny, Dipping Trail"... She started the Island Preservation Society, and is also the manager at Ape Man's Cafe. Her and Ape Man are often whispering, laughing and off somewhere together, or up at Ape's Tattoo Hut. The two of them share many words to one another, the rest will never likely hear... They go on and on and wouldn't have time to repeat themselves anyhow... They'll laugh sometimes just looking at each other... He calls her "Sweet Tia", and can't say it without a huge smile. If anyone else mentions her name, he grins and adds,"My Sweet Chiquita". ___EZ "CHIMP" RIEDER___ He is Ape's younger cousin Bret actually, and what can I say ~ they go way back to much younger, wilder days! Before ships, EZ Chimp once sailed his Harley Davidson across two lawns and into someone's shrubs. Chimp also broke his leg playing rockball on the Island and Ape made him keep playing, busted up or not. He can still nod yes when Ape tells someone, "Don't look at me, he did it". He's part owner in the Island Cafe, and brought along the family recipe for Rieder Bier, and he personally makes sure every batch meets his personal standards. That he does do well, but he's never standing it seems when the testing is done. EZ Chimp just might be quieter than Ape and seem the saner of the two cousins, but most of here will tell you, "flip a coin" over and over and if you do, make sure if it's your coin - Bret gives it back to you.__HIPPIE "CHIPPY" NICK__ Nick came onboard as a skilled ship carpenter. He had served on the HMS Corribee from the UK. He was picked up by the castaways ship, drifting at sea and everyone thinks he accidentally or simply stepped off the Corribee since he can't recall a fall, or being intentionally pushed overboard. But that's Nick. Each time the tide goes out here at the Island, he rebuilds the same 200' radius "Peace Sign Castle" on the beach. He and Ape talk about dying the beach sand some pretty far out colors... He and Ape together prove drugs have the same effects - regardless of where your from - and live the kind of lives that should feature them as poster boys for the "Just say No" campaign... Nick loves peeking under rocks to find what he calls "freaky critters", and looking for "Tonight's Dinner Menu" at the cafe... He's been bitten by more critters than anyone on the Island... ______SANE JANE_______ Captain Jo came aboard as a blessing! She was perhaps best "fit" to sail the ship seeking an un chartered Island while the rest drank and sang the song Apeman every night. Her wonderful writing skills, had her elected as "Island Historian". She is the only mate here, that any of the others can honestly say is sane ~ and perhaps the only one who can remember how to sail the ship. She enjoys reading a book quietly with a glass of wine at the cafe each night, but spends most her free time on the ship, lounging in her hammock on deck... She'll enjoy passing on the skill of sailing to any "wee apes" that may inhabit the Island someday. Ape sometimes needs a "reality check", so the others holler, "Jane" - but don't always think her being the sanest one won't get you a silly answer and laugh... _____KELLY B WILD_______ Kelly is cafe music coordinator and a huge fan of what she books. She is into the blues, partying at the cafe, and can even drink EZ Chimp to shame. She's on the floor just like everyone else at the end of the night - but dancing instead when everyone has left or passed out, the music has stopped and Nickpanzee is there to start the clean up. Wild she is, and who plays at the cafe is all up to the manager Kelly.. Apparently it never rubs Ape Man the wrong way. He just smiles when her name is mentioned and says "Oh she's more than a handful alright". They both love the Blues, and she's offered to meet Ape Man's Kink wishes.. That's if they're available of course... Seeing the two of them together is like watching two clowns in one ring... But these two clowns should only do adult rated shows... Ape often calls Kelly B. Wild "Wild Thing", and then of course grins... He'll offer these words with a smile, "Kelly is one crazy-ass friend without a doubt - any of mine anyway"... ______GLLIGAN_________ What more could be said in a given name.. Ape man spends hours on end with Gilligan... Ape is hoping to influence Chimp's youngest son Jacob to his Ape Man ways of life. He can already identify between mushrooms that are good to eat, and those "really good" to eat, with less error as time goes on.. The two are often found very ill in the mornings... Ape talked him out of going to college and tutors him only in what ge feels is important... Like "who's cool and important in American history" from Abbie to Zappa.. Ape Man loves it when the kid says, "Far Freakin Out" or "I'm hip, Apeman". Ape Man call him of course ~ his "Little Buddy". CARPENTER GUY/APE MAN Pancakes father was influenced by The Kinks, comedian Jonathan Winter, and a few more zany ones along his travels! In lock-up, he memorized 68 Frank Zappa tunes and can sing them backwards in fact. Wanting to leave a troubled world behind (or was it a world of trouble) he had visions of a new world over the horizon ~ Carpenter Guy as he was known years back, and a ship loaded with his "unique", fine crew aboard - set sail in search of "Ape Man Island" - his dream... He is now just a part owner of the cafe, since he opened "Ape's Tattoo Hut" on the Island, and feels it is also very important to take time teaching "Little Buddy" hippie-ape ways, and the art of shroomin'.... ____ "PANCAKES" ______ Years back after a music festival featuring of course, the Kinks - Ape woke the next morning with a women he'd never met... She asked him as they laid there nude, "If you could decide what we're going to have, what would it be"???? Ape replied "Pancakes"........... The name stuck, but the short lived flame of passion never panned out with the women who wasn't on the pill... Ape and Pancakes are very close in heart, but her mom thought she should stay on the mainland and pursue an education... Ape can't help but laugh when he phones Pancakes, and hears the old flame screaming in the background - "Pancakes, your turning out just like your father"..... _CHRISTOPHER BLUEINSON_ Ole friend Chris rocks the cafe with his outstanding Blues. He's got a kind heart, and his shows are amazing - His guitar playing just smokes, out other bananas! He plays his own great music and lights the tone for evenings at the cafe. So don't be foolish & come inside Ape Man's Cafe hollering out something stupid like a song request of The Monkees. You'll see just how far and how fast someone can land outside the cafe. The only Monkey's you'll hear at the cafe are the Island Escort Monkey's during tourist season. Ape loves listening to Chris play - and Chris loves laughing and asking Ape, "Wat up with da funny hat"?.. They been friends many years.... _______ ALOHI _________ (ah-low-hee) Cousin EZ Chimps daughter had plans for college and a career. EZ Chimp thought it best. But Ape Man loves the child he calls Alohi (meaning: bright) and said, "Come live life as Young Ape Women instead, it's a wiser decision Felicia, and a pretty cool idea" - and she did. Even EZ Chimp now agrees she didn't get fleeced - and her vibrant young spirit, and new mixology knowledge have everyone very, very happy at the cafe. She barmaids,and likes leaving it a mess for her brother Nickpanzee. Alohi loves beach time and shares hours of fun with Ayashe. ________AYASHE_________ After Carpenter Guy found the world he envisioned and opened the first Island cafe, He was legally known as Ape Man! He made himself the Island judge to legalize it. (He is Reverend, Chief of Island Police, and along with Hippie Nick, the so called Island's Tribal Weeders).. His sweet stray dog that has followed him everywhere ~ He never again, once called Ayashe. Every night when he closes the Cafe, you'll hear him call out, "Come on Ape Dog, lets go home"... She's loved by all, except maybe Driftwood ~ but that's probably her fault for chasing him for fun instead of sticks..._____SHUTTER BUG_____ From Virginia shores, Debbie is the Island photographer - she came along with a whole lot of silliness along with her camera equipment. Her and Ape are two peas from the same tri pod! Both laugh at their days that go wrong, and run to tell the other about it. Of course Ape Man he just loves his picture being taken too, so spends time following Debbie, and pisses her off sometimes shouting "do me, do me" when she takes her camera out or is just enjoying a peaceful nap while sunbathing nude... He'll laugh hearing her name and say, oh yeah, "Shutter Bug, now there's a flashy girl"... Her ability to see things funny most wouldn't find humorous at all - comes pretty damn close to Ape Man's and some look at these two, as "two peas, off the wall"...______SIN DEE LOU______ From the coast of Maine came Cindy for her second voyage with Ape Man. She too had sailed the Yahoo Sea with him... She's kind spirited, and a life long caregiver that lends a helping hand to anyone, and checks often on any tourists staying at the Cozy Banana Inn... She cooks for the guests, and lives a short distance away on Ape Harbor... She's run to help Islanders with her medical knowledge ~ those emergency calls for many things, including cracked heads... (That would be Nickpanzee's bark wounds of course)... Ape calls his friend from the Penobscot Bay waters, "Miss Kindness", but loves to smile and intentionally spell her name, Sin Dee Lou. Ape always says of Sin-Dee - "they don't come any kinder"... ______NICKPANZEE______ Chimp's oldest son Nick enjoys logboarding the biggest waves during the day. He's not allowed to drive the Island four wheeler because he has nascar mentality, but he keeps the thing running. He was hired to clean the cafe after hours since he often sleeps all day.. It's common finding him in the mornings, apefaced and sleeping again somewhere inside the cafe. We all agree - let him sleep it off so he doesn't hit a tree walking home... Nick is young and likes speed... Not a good combo when he's drunk and should be walking... He's nicked so many trees, all are starting to worry about deforestation effects we might be "headed" for...._______ THE FBI _______ Ape was frightened to no end when he got word the FBI had come to the Island... Invited one night to the cafe by Kelly - Ape took a liking to these guys... No,. they weren't the badge flipping, dead aim guys Ape Man thought at all ~ they were a band coming to say hello to the "Wild Thing"... Ape asked them to stay on - but they decided to return and visit when time for sun and sand could be made... Ape uses the Funk Brokers Inc. shack to dry his marijuana and shrooms when they're not here... Chris & Jim love showing up unexpected, and catching Ape in their shack shouting, "Freeze, FBI"... Gets him every time! Ape chuckles and laughs thinking about these characters - and smiles now telling everyone: "Damn, who'd ever have thought the FBI building would be for my stash"... Ape calls the band members, The Grateful Fedheads! _____ "DRIFTWOOD" _____ He was found like "Driftwood" clinging for life on a tree limb, washed ashore during hurricane season. He loves beer and prefers eating his fish raw.. Every day he can't wait to peddle the crude generator bicycle that runs power for the cafe. His only English words are, "Cafe open now" and "Yah Mon, Ape Mon", and "Oh dung".. His penmanship has improved enough to now sign "X" instead of "/"... He seems to love it here on this Island and has stopped fashioning sling shots as he first did... He greets everyone with a smile except Ayashe. She still scares the living dung out of him.************************* ___ OUR ISLAND MAP ____More Islanders soon!!!************************************************** __APE MAN - THE KINKS__************************* I THINK I'M SO SOPHISTICATED, CUZ I'M LIVING MY LIFE LIKE A GOOD HOMO SAPIENS... BUT ALL AROUND ME, EVERYBODY'S MULTIPLYING, AND THEY'RE WALKIN' ROUND LIKE FLIES, MAN... SO I'M NO BETTER THAN THE ANIMALS SITTING IN THEIR CAGES IN THE ZOO, MAN... CUZ COMPARED TO THE FLOWERS, AND THE BIRDS, AND THE TREES ~ I AM AN APE MAN _________________________ I THINK I'M SO EDUCATED AND I'M SO CIVILIZED.. CUZ I'M A STRICT VEGETARIAN.. AND WITH THE OVER POPULATION, AND INFLATION, AND STARVATION... AND THE CRAZY POLI-TICIANS.......... I DON'T FEEL SAFE IN THIS WORLD NO MORE ~ I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN A NUCLEAR WAR ~ I WANT TO SAIL AWAY TO A DISTANT SHORE... AND MAKE LIKE AN APE, MAN. ______________________ I'M AN APE MAN,,, I'M AN APE APE MAN OH, I AM AN APE MAN.... WELL I'M A KING KONG MAN, I'M A VOODOO MAN,,, I'M AN APE MAN. _______________________ CUZ COMPARED TO THE SUN THAT SITS IN THE SKY.. COMPARED TO THE CLOUDS AS THEY ROLL BY. COMPARED TO THE BUGS, AND THE SPIDERS, AND FLIES ~ I AM AN APE MAN .............................. WELL, IN MANS EVOLUTION HE HAS CREATED THE CITY AND THE MOTOR TRAFFIC RUMBLE... BUT GIVE ME HALF A CHANCE AND I'D BE TAKING OFF MY CLOTHES, AND LIVING IN THE JUNGLE ~ YES I WILL.. CUZ THE OLY TIME I FEEL AT EASE, IS SWINGING UP AND DOWN IN A COCONUT TREE ~ OH WHAT A LIFE OF LUXURY ~ TO BE LIKE AN APE, MAN. _________________________ I'M AN APE MAN, I'M AN APE APE MAN OH, I AM AN APE MAN.... WELL I'M A KING KONG MAN, I'M A VOODOO MAN, I'M AN APE MAN. ___________________________ I LOOK OUT MY WINDOW, BUT CAN'T SEE THE SKY ~ THE AIR POLLUTION IS A F#*@IN' UP MY EYES.. I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS CITY ALIVE ~ AND MAKE LIKE AN APE MAN....................... AW.. COME ON.. AND LOVE ME....... BE MY APE MAN GIRL..... AND WE'D BE SO HAPPY..... IN MY APE MAN WORLD........ I'M AN APE MAN, I'M AN APE APE MAN OH, I AM AN APE MAN.... WELL I'M A KING KONG MAN, I'M A VOODOO MAN, I'M AN APE MAN............... I DON'T FEEL SAFE IN THIS WORLD NO MORE ~ I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN A NUCLEAR WAR ~ I WANT TO SAIL AWAY TO A DISTANT SHORE..... AND MAKE LIKE AN APE, MAN...... ******************** ENDING IN ORIGINAL VERSION ___ I'll BE YOUR TARZAN ~ YOU'LL BE MY JANE. I'LL KEEP YOU WARM, AND YOU'LL KEEP ME SANE. WE'LL SIT IN THE TREE'S AND EAT BANANAS ALL DAY, JUST LIKE AN APE, MAN.************************* ************************* Ray Davies ~ creator of a tiny heaven on earth.