I am the legendary, suave, bequiffed car salesman Swiss Toni of The Fast Show (you in the States might now it as Brilliant!). I am quite possibly, no, I am the world's greatest car salesman. Why? Because I know how to please the ladies.You know, selling cars (and answering the phone and putting up a tent for that matter) is like making love to a beautiful woman. In fact, there isn't much that isn't like making love to a beautiful woman.For example:Being in a car crash - Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. Pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.Putting up a tent - Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and slip in to the old bag.Washing a car - Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.Laying a carpet - You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous, like me, you might like to try an underlay.Going fishing - I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.Being in therapy - And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.Making coffee - Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.Checking a second hand car - Checking the details of a second-hand car is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, verify her year of origin. She may look like she rolled off the production line in 1990 but who's to say the fellow before you didn't give her a good spraying? Hanging wallpaper - Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.
I edited my profile with Thomas’ Myspace Editor V3.6 !
