Vaz Man!!©

Football; Clubbing; Art; PhotographyThis is how its done....1) vaz's tears can end world poverty. Shame he has never cried. 2) vaz has counted to infinity. Twice. 3) vaz doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 4) When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for vaz. 5) vaz's blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets. 6) vaz does not consider himself to be arrogant; he admits he used to, but now feels that he is perfect. This belief is generally supported by everyone he has ever met. 7) vaz now has the middle name 'Handsome' he never requested this change, it was a unanimous decision made by all the ladies at de-poll who saw his picture. 8) In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by vaz, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. 9) When vaz had his first wet dream, he nearly drowned. 10) When vaz sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. vaz has not had to pay taxes, ever. 11) vaz has never been wrong about anything ever. However in school exams he was never awarded 100% by teachers as they did not dare portray him as a geek. 12) vaz once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. 13) vaz once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 14) There are no performance-enhancing drugs in sport. Just athletes vaz has breathed on. 15) vaz was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of roughed good looks, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to vaz's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious rugby tackle related injuries. 16) vaz can touch MC Hammer. 17) A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is in actual fact a warning that the spot belongs to vaz and that you will be handicapped if you park in it. 18) Simply by pulling on both ends, vaz can stretch diamonds back into coal. 19) vaz's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush. 20) vaz ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. 21) vaz doesn't use pick up lines, he simply says, "now!" 22) Oxygen requires vaz to live. 23) Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat vaz. vaz showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. 24) vaz has to buy trousers with a 40 inch inside leg. His legs are only 34 inches; the other 6 are to cover the last 6 inches of his penis. 25) vaz can make a woman orgasm by simply chanting his own name. 26) The dinosaurs looked at vaz the wrong way once. Only once. 27) If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not vaz. 28) vaz has already been to Mars; that is why there are no signs of life there! 29) vaz built a time machine and went back to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, vaz met all three with his flexed pecks, thus deflecting them all. JFK's head exploded out of cheer amazement. 30) vaz is not hung like a horse..... Horses are hung like vaz. 31) When he goes to bed vaz uses a night-light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him. 32) vaz can unscramble an egg. 33) Wilt Chamerlain claims to have slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. vaz calls this a slow Tuesday" 34) vaz does not have to stop bullets as they know better. 35) A recent poll discovered that 93% of women think about vaz during sex. A similar poll discovered that vaz thinks about vaz 100% of the time during sex. 36) A man once got stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of gas. vaz drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew everything would be fine. Then vaz proceeded to piss in the man's petrol tank and to this very day, that man has never had to put petrol in his car again. That was 9 years ago. 37) vaz can eat soup with a fork. 38) After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending in vaz. His reasoning? It was more humane. 39) On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon he found a note saying 'vaz was here' 40) vaz challenged a statue to a staring contest. vaz remains undefeated. 41) If vaz is late then time better slow down. 42) vaz actually died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 43) vaz lost his virginity before his dad did. 44) Before he forgot a gift for vaz, Santa Claus was real. 45) When you see vaz's impressive physique, you're actually seeing him almost completely relaxed. Were he to fully flex his biceps, for instance, they would swell to 128 inches in circumference. 46) When vaz does a press-up, he does not push himself up, but instead he pushes the whole world down. 47) Tony Blair hatched a sure fire way of ending the war in Iraq, unfortunately vaz couldn't be bothered 48) If you are ridiculously good looking and muscley and you do not know your biological father, then it is probably vaz. 49) vaz can divide by zero.