About Me
Rebecca’s early life is shrouded in mystery. Some reports suggest she was a
foundling; the illegitimate offspring of a Russian aristocratic émigré and a
Windsor fan dancer – but this might simply be local legend. What is known is
that her father was a street poet/juggler and her mother, a local pool
shark who made her living bilking the easy marks that frequent The Buzzard
Billiard Hall on the lower East side of High Park.When she was just over five months old, Rebecca’s genius was revealed. There
are many inconsistencies in the reports that have come down to us. However,
what we can be pretty certain of is this: during an all-night Wake for a
former alderman that her mother had befriended in his downward spiral, the
little infant suddenly began to recite verbatim Khrushchev’s 1959 speech to
the United Nations. Though there were a number of syntactical flaws in her
delivery, those sober enough to listen realized that something
momentous had occurred.In the years that followed, years of pilgrimage, years of powerful
soul-searching, this young acolyte of all that is beautiful and immortal
retained a remarkable conviction about the correctness of her path. In these
years Rebecca tested the waters in many fields of endeavor: animal husbandry,
ventriloquism, advanced calculus, skateboarding, coloratura soprano singing,
Bulgarian post-simian pantomime, minimalist poetry and shoplifting (to name
just a few). Soon she realized – during a 3 month-long meditation binge –
that she needed to focus on one or two of her many prodigious talents if she
was to fulfill even a portion of her limitless potential.And so it was that at the age of 7 years, 3 months and 4 days she decided to
dedicate herself to three fields of endeavour: mediaeval Portuguese,
advanced Cinema trivia and the study of photography.In spite of many tribulations since (broken hearts, broken nails, a really
bad hair colouring in 1997, August) she has stayed true to this vision.It becomes now only a matter of time until she is recognized for what she
is: a voice for her generation, an oracle for the future, a source of
information for good local restaurants.Long has she laboured to make herself REBECCA, the pride of her community.
And yet a more humble, gentle and otherwise self-effacing soul cannot be
found on the face of the earth. She is, and remains, a paragon for world
youth, and a hope – however faint – for the survival of our species and of
this poor earth.
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