Douche MaGoo profile picture

Douche MaGoo

I'll bet at least half of these people are Koreans.

About Me

hi. i'm tony, and i am evolution's crowning achievement. i eat lightning and crap thunder. im 22 and i live in tinley, but i was born and raised in the OH, so i'm a hardcore badass. i'm a pretty nice guy, so long as you're on my good side. otherwise, i have the tendency of being a dick. um, i'm the second oldest kid in my family. i've always been super nice 2 my little brothers. my sister used to make me drink perfume and hairspray when i was little. i drive a huge barge of an oldsmobile. i cant get a ticket in the damned thing. i'm a little over-obsessed with my facial hair. i buy new shoes every 3 months. i'm allergic to sulfa. spiders scare me a lot. once i swallowed a quarter. it hurt more coming out than going in. i used be a pink-haired punky weirdo, then i was all metal, then i was all prep, now i'm just me. that sounded gay. i'm not gay. tony does enjoy the ladies. the ladies seem not to enjoy tony so much. i have ADHD. but i have it all under control, so i'm not like weird or anything. im pretty thin and i'm only 5'7", so god did not intend for me to play any major sports. i play hockey, but i sorta blow. also, im getting married to bri whenever the fuck we damn well please. booyah!
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Tony Hopper
Birthday: June 7th 1985
Birthplace: Oak Lawn
Current Location: Tinley Park
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Dirt
Height: 5'7"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Righty
Your Heritage: Italian, Scotch, German
The Shoes You Wore Today: my black shell-toes
Your Weakness: im compulsive and bore easily
Your Fears: pickles, doorbells, butterflies
Your Perfect Pizza: EVERYTHING
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: be even more awesome
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: hehe
Thoughts First Waking Up: ...where are my teeth?
Your Best Physical Feature: my sweet beard
Your Bedtime: usually around 10:30
Your Most Missed Memory: doug just showing up at my house
Pepsi or Coke: pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King: burker king, though mad props to the big mac
Single or Group Dates: friends + girlfriend = fun
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: coffee
Do you Smoke: cigars
Do you Swear: fuck no
Do you Sing: oh yea. i rock too.
Do you Shower Daily: if i damn well please
Have you Been in Love: yes and i still am
Do you want to go to College: if they make one without books or teachers... still no
Do you want to get Married: someday
Do you belive in yourself: oh yea.. im awesome
Do you get Motion Sickness: yes yes i do
Do you think you are Attractive: i can be pretty if i try
Are you a Health Freak: nope
Do you get along with your Parents: incredibly well, they're some of my best friends
Do you like Thunderstorms: oh yes... unless im working
Do you play an Instrument: yes. thanks for asking.
&..39;In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:' yes
In the past month have you Smoked: cigars
In the past month have you been on Drugs: im high on life
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no. i prefer oatmeal raisin.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no. gross.
In the past month have you been on Stage: yea, but security took care of it pretty quickly
In the past month have you been Dumped: haha no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: yes
Ever been Drunk: oh yea
Ever been called a Tease: yes
Ever been Beaten up: yup
Ever Shoplifted: never. thats why the jews killed jesus. he stole a Mr. Goodbar.
How do you want to Die: in a massive sword battle. or drowning, but the swords thing is better.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a business owner
What country would you most like to Visit: ITALIA
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: dark
Short or Long Hair: either
Height: shorter than 5'7"
Weight: no fat chicks
Best Clothing Style: ethnic dutch
Number of Drugs I have taken: enough
Number of CDs I own: too many
Number of Piercings: 0
Number of Tattoos: 0
Number of things in my Past I Regret: absolutely ZERO
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My Interests

Cars, hockey, anything that smells good, some things that don't, punk shows, driving way too fast in the rain, making strangers uncomfortable, the word "phenagol," dick and/or fart jokes, rumplestiltskin, ninjas, the leftist revolution, anything that gets a smile out of the people close to me, being well aware of the fact that if you give me the chance ill make you laugh all day, your mom.

I'd like to meet:

I would love to meet a genie, especially one of those blue fat genies from Aladin. That way everybody's gonna be like, "no way, tony, you cant trick a genie." And ill be all like "fuck you. i can trick anyone. im tony fucking hopper goddamit." everybody's mistake with the genie is that they ask for more wishes. DUH! thats against the genie code you dumbshit. my first wish would be for billions of dollars. then id have an army of genetically enhanced colombian children. my third wish would be for a shotgun that kills genies. THEN id get all the wishes i wanted. stupid fucking genies.seriously, i want to meet anyone and everyone. my aim sn is pitsweatman. if you start a conversation with me, ill entertain the living shit out of you.

Music:

Fall Out Boy, Taking Back Sunday, The Used, My Chemical Romance, Anberlin, Bruce Springsteen (shut up, the man is a poet!), Metallica, Blink 182, Reliant K, Finch, Jimmy Eat World, Rufio, Yellowcard, Starting Line, Fenix TX (RIP), All-American-Rejects, Coheed (but not Cambria), New Found Glory, Mid-nineties Green Day, The F-ups, Pearl Jam, Mugshot, Senses Fail, Army of Freshmen, Something Corporate, Saves the Day, cartel, motion city soundtrack, the academy is, and much more

Movies:

Fight Club, Saving Private Ryan, Elf, Spongebob, Anchorman, Dodgeball, Garbagepail Kids, Kung Pow: Enter the fist, porn, The "Short Circuit" movies, Star Wars/Trek, Italian Job, Romeo + Juliet, Orange County, Blade II (and Blade I, to a lesser degree), Go, Anything with Adam Sandler, Mike Meyers, Chris Farley, David Spade, or Bill Murray; Anything by Michael Moore (the conscience of america), porn, Ocean's 11, Oceans's 12 to a lesser degree, home movies with me in them

Television:

South Park, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Family Guy, Futurama, Simpsons, (im beginning to notice these are all cartoons...), Sealab, the A-team, Alf, scrambled porn (if i can sorta see it, it's good enough!), Days of Our Lives, American Chopper, Mexican Chopper (just like american chopper, only dirtier and cheaper 2 produce), Band of Brothers, Daily Show, Fox News.... JUST KIDDING!, The Weather Channel, The Frugal Gourmet, Comedy Central Presents:, BET (it makes me giggle, we honkeys are so lame!), um...

Books:

The entire Dark Tower Series, Left Behind, Atlas Shrugged, On Liberty, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, Anything by Stephen King, Goodnight Moon, The Jungle, Holy Grail Holy War, The DaVinci Code, The Bible, a stone 4 danny fisher, 1984, TV Guide, The Winter King, Enemy of God, Excalibur, anything Arthurian, The Archer's Tale, Vagabond, Heretic, Shites unoriginal guide

Heroes:

Bill Clinton, Al Franken, Richard Nixon, Jesus, My Dad, Superman, Ayn Rand, John Stuart Mill, Christopher Columbus, That guy who always streaks at baseball games, Dan Grunauer, Lance Armstrong (riding bikes that long really makes your taint hurt), Jon Stewart, Bert McCracken, Me, Bri

My Blog

Prepare to Laugh So hard you Shit yourself

...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Thu, 05 Jun 2008 10:22:00 PST

Bingo Bango

Its 340 in the morning. Im tired, but my eyes wont close.I know i need sleep, but the moment i crawled into bed i knew it wasn't in the cards tonight.My head hurts, and my body aches.I haven't had a s...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Sat, 12 Jan 2008 01:47:00 PST

This is the worst it has ever been

There is no reason for you to believe me and nothing i say will have any bearing on what you think of me, so i can only speak through silence. I am in the deepest, darkest hole of my life and i can't ...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Sat, 22 Dec 2007 02:03:00 PST

This is the way they make it.

I am smelling like a rose that somebody gave me on my birthday death bed. My sister's having her second child tomorrow. Awesome. If this young boy brings to my family even a fraction of the joy her 1 ...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Tue, 11 Dec 2007 08:49:00 PST

My God can kick your god’s Ass.

When the people of Earth all know beauty as beauty, There arises ugliness.When the people of Earth all know the good as good,There arises evil.Therefore:Being and non-being interdepend in growth;...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Wed, 28 Nov 2007 06:42:00 PST

witness the cruel death of the fyreborne

I've been told that the worst is over, but the clouds are gathering above me, and this sense of impending doom seems to negate any of your pacifist statements.I am the worst.I was the best.If you know...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Sat, 17 Nov 2007 02:09:00 PST

i will never regret betting big as much as i regret having folded.

just now, and for the first time in years, i can feel that fire.I feel a power; my defeat long since passed.Have i truly become this shell?what happened to the fuel?What happened to bring it back?AND ...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Wed, 05 Sep 2007 04:30:00 PST

I used to believe that this wasnt random.

It's been too long since i've done this. I know posting blogs is so "scene circa 2005", but its a nice way to get it out. I used to live in constant fear that something terrible would happen or i wou...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 12:54:00 PST

no messiah

religion is for the weak. god was created as a reciprocal ideal upon which ignorant peasants to blame their problems or praise their success.more to come.
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Sat, 25 Aug 2007 08:40:00 PST

The New Crusade

Believe what you want, but don't you EVER let your ideals encroach upon my facts.Myth: Gay Marriage is wrong because homosexuality violates the sanctity of marriage.Fact: Divorce violates the sanctity...
Posted by Douche MaGoo on Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:25:00 PST