broken ANGEL™

I am a daughter, a sister, a grand-daughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend, a student, a young girl and a grown woman. I am confident and scared. Terrified and excited. I am loving and caring and thoughtful and hopeful. I am shy and friendly, and careful and careless. I am broken and whole. I am misunderstood, misguided and mislead. I am hard working and determined, but a little scared on the inside. I wish on stars and dream my dreams. I pray to God and cry my tears. I smile on the outside while I am dying on the inside. I listen to others who won't listen to me. I walk on eggshells and I walk on Fire. I believe in passion, but not that it is the same as true love. I love you and I push you away. I want you, but not so close. I am everything and nothing all at once. And all I want is for you to love me.I am me, and will always be just that. I will not pretend to be someone different, just to attract you. I am straight forward, I tell it like it is. I have a very out going spirit and I am a loving, giving person (to a fault) who loves to laugh and find humor in even the worst situations. For the most part, I don't act my age. It's a strange place to be... the spirit of an 18 year old looking through the eyes of a wiser and stronger 43 year old woman. I am a writer and artist. I am currently working on a book on the humorous aspects of dating. Basically my experiences since divorce and dating and/or meeting the crazy men out there. You can view my art work below at "PeacockRun Studio" ~ on the top friends list. Also have a venture called "Out of the Mouth Concepts" verbal apparel (t-shirts, etc). Look in the Photo Album. I actually like pro football, boxing and nascar (not a nut though). I have a fetish for shoes. like a little over 70 pair. Anything from strappy heels to army boots. A girl can never have enough shoes. Don't get me wrong however, I am not high maintenance, and actually have a hard time letting men do things for me. Just plain hard headed in some areas. ~~~~~I was diagnosed a little over a year ago on Feb 14, 2006 with stage 4 Advanced Breast cancer, that had spread to the bones and spine. I was mis-diagnosed October 2002. So cancer had been running rampid through out my body for all that time. It progressed to the point where I suffered debilitating pain. I could barely walk (needed assistance), pain kept me from sleeping well or eating. The pain was like nothing I have ever imagined. I had a cerebral stroke when I was 16, unoperatable. That pain compared nothing to the pain I endured from cancer. I felt as though I was knocking on deaths door there for a while. I was in and out of lucid reality for about 5 weeks. Heavily medicated, only awoke periodically through tears of pain. But I refused to give up or give in. I have come a long way since then. So cancer treatments, meds, alternative measures, and the grace of God have worked wonders. Over the past year my daily activities have become more normal. I am pretty darn healthy looking right now. Living my life "with" cancer. It does not define me. If you saw me now you would never know anything is wrong with me. Except the weight gain from the medication and treatments, I am not real happy about. Other than that I am just a little more fragile, yet appreciating the sweetness of life so much more. I remain to have a very optimistic attitude with a humorous approach and intend to win this battle. I would love to have a man in my life right now, it really sucks going through this alone. however it might not be in "his" best interest to get involved in the middle of all the mess. But I will leave that decision completely up to you as long as you understand what I am dealing with, and you can handle it as well. (READ below in the "Who I'd Like to Meet" section) I have made it through some of the worst already, and sometime down the road it may get bad again. But for now I feel great. I have beat the odds many times in my life and I plan on beating this one as well.