Hott Indie Jenn

i'm a drama queen. i was going to be an actress one day. i'm overly dramatic because i have found it's entertaining all around. for me and others, but mostly for me. i'm really good at entertaining myself. i'll have conversations w/the pets as if they really know what i'm saying. i always wished i could be sexy and cool, but i'm actually only cute and goofy. i've spent most of my life acting as if i'm on my own reality tv show, you never know when someone may be watching. i want to be in the spotlight yet i have a fear of it. i'm overly obsessed about how i look even if i do sometimes go out in sweats covered in paint w/hair that hasn't been washed in a week. i have nervous energy constantly. i'm tense half the time and the other half i fidget. i have become completely aware of it and when i catch myself i try to stop and relax. i want more than anything to be able to relax. i'm incredibly sarcastic which can get me into trouble sometimes especially when i don't think before i talk. just because i think something is funny doesn't mean the person who it's directed at will. i had someone once say i seemed to rebel against the wrong things. i rally against things that may seem trivial to other people but are important enough to me. currently, amoung a few other things, i am boycotting budweiser beverages because of an ad they ran that i found incredibly offensive to anyone over the age of 30 (which i am). i want to always have that first kiss feeling but want to be in the most stable of relationships. i sometimes miss dating, but oh god how i really don't miss it. i sometimes want the opposite of what i have even if what i have is really what i want. i swore i never wanted to be a soccer mom on the PTA even if it didn't really sound all that bad. i don't drive a mini-van, but i join the PTA every year and shuttle my kid around to whatever activity he's in at the time. how did i get here?!?! my saving grace is that i look about 15 years younger than i really am. i'm a hypocrite. i'm really good at giving out advice which i wish i had known or did know and should have taken but i wouldn't have learned anything unless i had had the experience first. i can hold a grudge until the end of time. i'll be a doormat but then be mad at the person who i let walk on me. i'll give until my heart breaks. i'll do things out of kindness even if i don't want to out of selfishness. i'm selfish because i want it all. i'm a walking contradiction. and Steven down there is the lucky guy who gets this big hott mess.