I'd like to meet:
Honest people and some girl.
The Perfect Woman
1 Let me define some terms for the ladies (at least my personal definitions):
Seeing each other - Gone out a few times, never fooled around or if we did, nothing below the belt.
Dating - Gone out a few times, fooled around including below the belt, as well as sex or at least oral.
Together - Gone out a lot, call often, NOT exclusive unless stated.
Exclusive - Gone out a lot, talk often, and only with one person.
2 If you've called me and I haven't called back, don't call until I do.
Don't think that I don't like you or aren't interested. Sometimes, I'd just rather not talk. And for the love of God, only contact me via one medium! Example mediums: E-mail, cell/home phone, myspace, personal visit, etc...
3 If you tell me after only knowing me for two hours that you want to have sex with me, don't get upset when you realize that we were just a fling. It was your own stupid fault for having sex with me.
4 You have to realize that being charged with Internet fraud, defamation of character, and having a restraining order filed against you will most likely kill your chances of getting into law school.
5 If you are anorexic and have that whole sunken-in eyes look, I don't think anything you do is attractive. I'm just in it for the head.
6 If you want me to be honest with you, don't cry or argue with me every time I do.
7 I expect random suprises.
8 If you just had sex with your ex-boyfriend a few hours before, don't complain about what an asshole he is to me.
9 After we get finished having sex, don't tell me you might be pregnant from your ex-boyfriend. And if you decide to do it, don't ask me if I'm OK if I get quiet and uncomfortable.
10 Just because you went down on me when I was drunk doesn't mean that I'll even touch you when I'm sober. Learn this and plan accordingly.
11 I'm not going to be your first if you're a virgin unless I'm planning to marry you, due to the bullshit attachment and drama that comes from it (any more, anyway).
12 If you aren't willing to go down on me, what do I have to look forward to in the future? You obviously won't be any sort of freak in bed. No, that isn't the desired result and not necessary, but I don't like closed-minded people.
13 If you aren't supermodel quality in the looks department, don't act like one. And even if you are good looking, don't be a bitch. Personality is way more important than looks.
14 If we're getting something to eat the first time we meet as friends, don't expect me to pay for you, especially if I drove. And if you do expect me to, don't tell me you left your money in your other purse. And if you do that, too, don't expect me to ever call you again.
15 I always know what's going on in the feelings department, but I like to pretend that I don't so you'll be honest with me.
16 I don't flirt a lot, I'm just a nice, friendly guy. If you see it as something else, then that's your fault.
17 It doesn't matter if you're flexible or can put your legs behind your head if you're ugly or fat. Otherwise, it turns me on more than you'll ever know.
18 If I tell you I really care about you and there's really no reason for me to (such as you're dating someone else), just give me about 48 hours and I'll realize that I don't really care about you. I just made a horrible decision.
19 A broke musician will ALWAYS be a better boyfriend than a moderately wealthy buff arena football player named Travis.
20 I may swear a bit, but don't let that indicate that I'm less intelligent. I just swear to compliment my morbid sense of humor. Besides, if you don't like swearing and I like you, then I won't swear around you.
21 Don't, under ANY circumstances, tell me how well you know me. Even if we've been together for over a year, there's a LOT you don't know about.
22 If you break a promise to me, don't plan on ever being together or even talking to me again. I'll usually tell you how much I value promises, but even if I don't, by breaking a promise, you just destroyed my trust in you.
23 Don't tell me I remind you of an ex-boyfriend. That just makes it very uncomfortable. Especially since no matter who he is, I'm better than him in every way.
24 When you tell me you miss me, don't say at any point before or after that that you slept with some other guy since I saw you, and if you do, DON'T tell me he's nothing like me or something to that effect. How the hell should that make me feel better?? So you're an Equal Opportunity Lay?
25 If you're moving away for a year, don't tell me you want to be together when (if) you come back. Odds are by then I'll have found someone (or many someones) else.
26 If you are short with me when I talk to you online, don't pretend to sound excited when I talk to you on the phone. Otherwise, I just won't talk to you any more, no matter how gorgeous you are.
27 Don't tell me sex is less personal than going down on a guy when we're talking about it. It just makes you sound like a skank that won't go down.
28 If you're meeting my friends for the first time (or pretty much doing anything with my friends), I won't do more than give you a light kiss out of respect for my friends. Hang all over me and keep trying to make out with me will just make me resent you for it and feel uncomfortable, and most likely I won't call you again. Furthermore, my friends are mine, and your friends are yours. Don't break up with me, and then flaunt your presence around me and my friends. Chances are, I don't want to talk to you after we've broken up.
29 I really like to chase girls that are taken, just out of stupidity. If you think I like you and you're taken, I probably like you a lot, but my mind is making it more than it really is. However, if you want to cheat on your boyfriend/husband with me, that's your choice.
30 If I'm talking to you and under your breath you ask, "Could you ever love me?" or "Would you ever marry me?", especially if we're not together, I probably won't talk to you any more.
31 If you tell me you're not going to have sex before marriage, I really respect you, but if you then you try to have sex with me, there goes the respect, I don't care how much you think I'm "the one."
32 If I really enjoy talking to you even after I know we can't be together, you are truly an amazing person.
33 If I'm talking on the phone with you and I start singing a love song quietly that I'm listening to, don't assume that I'm singing it to you, for you or about you. Especially if every day after that you come up to me in a jealous rage saying that you heard I was talking to this girl and that girl. Refer to rule 16.
34 I love singing out loud, but if I don't want to sing in front of you, don't be offended. It takes me a while to feel that comfortable with someone.
35 Really, I'd rather have an intelligent, witty conversation with you rather than sit in a movie with you, no matter how many Kings of Comedy are in it.
36 Don't use your ex-boyfriends as any sort of leverage for me to tell you what I "like." Hearing you say "My ex liked this" just gives me a mental image that's very difficult and sometimes impossible to replace. However, you aren't impossible to replace.
37 On that same note, when I see you, no matter how long it's been, never tell me you've "gotten better." My imagination should be focused on one thing, and that's not it. If you are better, then show me.
38 If I've had an intelligent conversation with you that went on for a while, at which point you had to go instead of me, you really impress me and I probably will use you as a semi-basis for the personalities of my ideal woman in my future relationships. If I hang up on you, then you obviously aren't capable of anything that is of any value, and you will be mocked and scoffed at by me every time I think of the sad mistake I made by even talking to you.
39 If I have a cute little nickname for you, even before we are together or if we aren't together (and especially if you used to be called it as a child), I'm happy and excited to call you that nickname every chance I get.
40 If you call a guy from my room phone and you're dumb enough to let me see your cell phone, which happens to have his number in it, you deserve me calling him up and letting him know who I am. It's not that I'm trying to scare him away or keep you to myself... it's just that I'd rather see him bitch you out and tell you to go to hell than let you have the satisfaction of thinking you're playing him. Especially if you're just a stupid bitch.
41 As you can probably derive from the last rule, NEVER CALL ANOTHER GUY FROM A GUY'S PHONE UNLESS HE KNOWS HIM AND KNOWS HE CAN TRUST HIM!
42 If I kiss you on the forehead or just on the head in general, that means that I'd really like to kiss you on the lips but I'd like you to make the first move... sorry, but I like to play it safe sometimes, too.
43 Also, a girl that is willing to initiate the first kiss is a great find! Hell, I wish I could find more of them! The first kiss is all that is necessary... after that, I can initiate the rest. ;-)
44 If you can speak to me about anything intelligently, we will have a much better time together. If you're not in school and think that describing a day of sitting on your ass because you don't work sounds intelligent... it doesn't. Remember this!
45 If I tell you that I can't talk to anyone the way that I talk to you, that's probably the biggest compliment I can give you, really.
46 If I know you sing, I won't let you rest until I hear you sing.
47I really value honesty, I love getting to know people and having meaningful conversations, I have high but reachable goals for myself, I love helping people, I am well-informed by many that I am an awesome kisser as well as an awesome cuddler.
48 I am very open about sex and sexuality and feel that good friends should be able to share that information with each other. I feel that it's this rarely-released information and other private information that can change you from "good" friends to "great" friends. After all, if you don't trust me with personal information or don't feel comfortable talking to me about it, then how will I know that you feel comfortable talking to me about other things? On that same note, if you aren't receptive to me when I talk about it, I don't know what I can or can't talk to you about, which leads us back to the main issue: trust. Friends should be able to talk frankly to each other about anything. I usually don't consider people "friends" unless I feel they can fit into this category. Otherwise, they're an acquaintance or just "someone I know."
49 The Oral Sex Two-Strike Law for Men: If you have gone down on a chick two times since she last went down on you or had sex where you got off, then you should not go down on her again until she does. Either she doesn't like doing it or she's just holding on to you for the free oral. Either way if she doesn't tell you, that's pretty fucked up on her part and she shouldn't get anything more anyway.
50 If I am honest and respecting enough to tell you I'm dating another girl while you and I are dating (See ..1 for the definition of dating), don't get pissed off and especially don't tell me you won't go down on me or won't do anything sexual with me while I'm still dating the other girl, because... honestly... snip snip. I can understand why you'd do it, but that doesn't mean I like it.
51 If you can't get off from oral sex, don't fake an orgasm and then get trapped into admitting it weeks later when you say that you've never gotten off from oral sex. This breaks the trust and honesty of the relationship and I will not believe anything you say in the bed for a long time or possibly ever, and if I can't trust you to be honest, I don't want to be with you.
52 If I tell you I'm really turned on, don't reply to that with, "I have class at 7:30 in the morning." If you immediately come up with excuses for why you can't go down on me or otherwise, then I'll come up with reasons for not spending time with you just as easily.
53 If you think we have this great connection and relationship and I'm dating someone else at the same time, don't be pissed off and try and make me feel guilty by saying, "I thought we were doing great, but I guess you didn't feel the same way." No fuckin' duh. I obviously care more about the other girl than you, or else I wouldn't be still dating her. And I'll like her even more when you try to give me an ultimatum.
54 You're signing a prenup!
