Samantha Crimes - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I try to be nice and mannerly to everyone I meet, but every now and then I'm a big asshole for the sole benefit of laughter. Laughter has been proven to increase circulation, and improve the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to tissues throughout the body, which makes me accountable for the cause of your systematical balance in life. Moral rightness at it's finest, I'd say.
My idea of the perfect life, would be that of a life aboard the Belafonte with Team Zissou. Although, I seem to have chosen a different route. I'm never on time, I eat meat, and I have a reiterative quality for being loud. I might even throw my trash out the car window if I feel inclined to do so. Over time, I've built a slightly cute and humiliating reputation for telling and repeating pointless stories. I will admit when I'm wrong, and I won't cry in public. Music and dancing are an important and profitable part of my day, and I don't take much offense to anything because coming apart is useless. It's difficult to keep me in one place for more than I prefer, and equally as strenuous to brand me as 'girlfriend'. In order to do either of those, you'd have to be all that worthwhile. I constantly try to do everything at once, and more often than not, I think too much and too fast. I'm not Asian, but I exhibit congruous skill in the fabrication of sushi and Sanrio collections.
Usually I find sleeping to be harder than it should. Starbucks rolled in a rough total of $1250 off of me in 2005, and an addiction to smoking earned an estimated $2100 from me throughout 2006. I've developed a shoe collection so traumatic that I could wear a different pair every day for nearly 3 months, and I can do a great trick involving my breasts and a bottle of beer. I'm ignorant and I crack tasteless and misconstrued jokes whenever opportunity presents itself. Stubborn, indecisive, jaded, and dogmatic are some of my most reputable characteristics. I have little interest in reading anything that isn't a magazine, and I secretly check my horoscope on occasion despite my strong faith in astrology being a load of garbage. I have nothing to hide, and I'll be the first one to admit that I have no idea what I'm doing.

AIM - samantha crimes
YouTube - samanthacrimes

My Interests

Likes:
Adventures
Affection
Art
Baking
Design
Food
Friends
Mail
Movies
Music
Photography
Shoes
Starbucks
Talking
Tourettes Guy
Travel
Vice
And not giving one one-hundredth of one shit about what you think.

Music:

65 Days Of Static
Alexisonfire
As I Lay Dying
Bjork
Bloc Party
Brand New
Bright Eyes
Broken Social Scene
Buck 65
Bury Your Dead
Christina Aguilera
Circa Survive
Coldplay
The Cult
Daft Punk
Damien Rice
Death From Above 1979
Deftones
Doc Brown
Eighteen Visions
Every Time I Die
Excalibah
Fall Out Boy
Fat Joe
Frank Sinatra
Ghostface Killah
Goldfrapp
Good Charlotte
Gwen Stefani
Hadouken!
Incubus
Inspectah Deck
Iron Maiden
Jay-Z
Johnny Cash
Kanye West
Lady Sovereign
Led Zepplin
Ludacris
Lydia
Madonna
The Mars Volta
Massive Attack
M.I.A.
MSTRKRFT
Neil Diamond
No Doubt
The Notwist
NWA
Peaches
Peter Bjorn & John
Pharrell Williams
The Pipettes
Portishead
Radiohead
Saosin
Scream Club
Sigur Ros
The Smashing Pumpkins
Spank Rock
Stefy
The Stills
The Streets
Taking Back Sunday
Tom Jones
Underoath
Whitey
Yann Tiersen
Young Jeezy
Young Love
etc.

Movies:
50 First Dates
Anchorman
ATL
Belly
Billy Madison
Coneheads
The Devil Wears Prada
Donnie Darko
Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Driking Your Juice In The Hood
Drop Dead Fred
Dumb & Dumber
Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
Fight Club
The Goonies
Harry Potter(s)
Kill Bill 1&2
Kung Fu Hustle
Labyrinth
The Last Unicorn
The Life Aquatic: With Steve Zissou
Little Miss Sunshine
Mean Girls
My Neighbor Totoro
The Notebook
The Pianist
Pulp Fiction
Requiem For A Dream
The Shining
Sin City
Snatch
Stand By Me
Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby
V For Vendetta
Vanilla Sky
Wicker Park
etc.

TV:
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Chapelle's Show
Cold Case Files
CSI
Da Ali G Show
Kenny VS. Spenny
The Ren & Stimpy Show
The Soprano's
And most things featured on The Discovery channel, The History channel, or A&E.

Dislikes:
Acne
Baggage
'Band-aids'
Boasting
Bugs
Competition
Confusion
Crocs
Distances
Drama
Flip-flop's
Freeloaders
Heelys
In-N-Out Burger
Insane Clown Posse
Insecurity
Liars
Loneliness
Namedroppers
Naysayers
Painted on eyebrows
Picture/profile thieves
Rejection
Repeated questioning
Slobs
Snow
Squid
Standing in line
Unemployment
V8
Weaves and/or tacky hair extensions
Whiners
Winter
Y Afterhours.

Links:
Married To The Sea
Natalie Dee
Jason Sho Green
The Perry Bible Fellowship
Fuck This Website
Perez Hilton

I'd like to meet:

I'm Interested In Meeting:

Someone to understand my jokes, or at least laugh if they don't. A nice boy to call my own. Anyone capable of keeping their word. Potential friends alike, or more specifically, Rob Dobi, M. Shadows, Bill Murray, David Suzuki, Willem Dafoe, Scarlett Johansson, and Dave Sheridan circa Ghost World.

I'm Not Interested In Meeting:
Those who can't think for themselves, constantly whine, take everything (above all, the internet) too seriously, freeload, have absolutely no manners, put on an act, think they're worth more than they earn, can't enjoy life, are unfriendly, talk about themselves more than they should, preach about their beliefs, and/or refuse to dance when there is good fortuity at bay. No fatties or butter faces. (And if you think I might be talking about you, then I probably am.)

Was I talking? Did they hear me?

My Blog

Cheating. (Going Nowhere Fast)

If you think you can cheat on me or lie to me and get away with it, you're really fucking wrong.I hope it was worth it. I hope you have a hard time sleeping tonight, and I hope you realize w...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Sun, 15 Oct 2006 02:17:00 PST

Identity Theft. (Volume 2)

It's bizarre, funny, and slightly daunting when you find out that someone else feels so bad about themselves, that they use the internet to pose as another. And the eerie part...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Wed, 04 Oct 2006 01:53:00 PST

Astrology: Tart And Factual.

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a ...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Mon, 02 Oct 2006 06:26:00 PST

To Answer Your Question.

Post a question (under anonymous, or not), so long as it isn't over the way-too-personal radius, and I will answer. Post your questions HERE....
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Fri, 22 Sep 2006 12:49:00 PST

I Owe It All To You.

Sometimes we have to put up with shit that brings us down, because it helps us grow a spine and deal with the mother load whenever and wherever it may happen. Having garbage dumped on us is what gener...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Secrets & Confessions.

Post a secret or a confession of yours (under anonymous, or not).Anything goes! May it be as long, or as short as you'd like. Post your secrets and confessions HERE....
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Sun, 14 May 2006 07:42:00 PST

Nicotine Keen! by Samantha C.

Smoke tobacco, it feels good!If you havn't started, then maybe you should!Fill your lungs with nicotine!With sex and liquor, it feels keen!Inhale! Exhale! Feel the buzz!Inhale! Exhale! That's the stuf...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I'm Good At Math, And I Can Run Fast.

Posted below is 9 of 21 friendly letters (complete with Crayola illustration) from classmates ages 7-8, circa grade 3. Your hair is butiful.You are great.She make me funny.I really like you.Your...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Fri, 06 Jan 2006 11:45:00 PST

Nice Legs, Shame About Your...

Shame? What shame?I didn't see any shame.Probably because I have none. Why should I?I'm not embarrassed by myself, and I don't feel as though I should hide certain aspects of my life, personality...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Fri, 07 Oct 2005 01:54:00 PST

Respect To The Tortoise.

I feel as though my life is becoming unhealthy. I only feel this, because it has become unhealthy. Social events and relations (drinking, dating, sex, spending money, etc.) that happened at a fair pa...
Posted by Samantha Crimes on Mon, 15 Aug 2005 05:07:00 PST