acting, directing, playing football, guitar, ice cream, snot rockets, poppin whiteheads, bong hits, jean shorts, acid drops, rim jobs, salad tossing, wifebeaters, airbrush t-shirts, pearl necklaces, homeruns, feet, snappin into Slim Jims, scat, fisting, Asians, anything that gets me off, blindfolds, diamond cutters, nipples the size of dinner plates, elephantitis, Jergens, blacklights, giving hickies (fucking hate getting them), arm wrestling, Jessica Rabbit, spinners, Pokeman, penis pumps, toe touches, sitting on my hand and then pulling at myself, 8 ball jackets, Cross Color blue jeans, golden showers, Starter Jackets, eye patches, Nyquil, playing patty cake, tummy sticks, half pikes, "I can't believe it's not butter"commercials
I'd like to meet:
I've pretty much met most celebrities, but I wouldn't mind meeting some groupies that like to put out. I know what you're thinking, wow, does James Van Der Beek really talk like that, but shut the fuck up because I'm not that pussy Dawson Leary anymore. Bottom Line, my meatstick needs to get wet just like the next pathetic loser. Just kidding, I'm not looking for groupies, just new people and fans so I can show them my support.
I would like to cross paths with that psychopath Tom Cruise. That crazy Top Gun son of a bitch stole Katie from me. I will take his whole "Scientology" kick and ram it up his Jerry McGuire, sunglass wearing, show me the money lookin ass!
Music:
Dave Matthews, George Michaels, 70's porn music, New Edition, dance club remixes, Menudo, Clay Aiken, Slipknot, Slayer, Primus, Insane Clown Posse, Esham, Bizzy Bone, Gloria Estefan, David Hasslehoff, Bo Bice, Eddie Money, Pat Benetar, Whitesnake, Biz Markie, Dougie Fresh, Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock, Eddie Murphy, BB Mack
Movies:
MY MOVIES: Varsity Blues, Scary Movie, Rules of Attraction, Texas Rangers, Standing Still (2006 release), Danny Roane (I play myself), The Plague (just finished filming), Three (2006)MY FAVORITES: Angus is by far the best movie ever, Grease 2, Simon Burch, 13 going on 30, Captain Ron, Tupac:Resurrection, I'm Gonna Get You Sucka, Little Monsters, Gigli (I liked it), Kung Pow, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Riding in Cars with Boys (limited edition), The Indian in the Cupboard, Ernest Saves the Day, The Whiz, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Everafter: A Cinderella Story
Television:
Dawson's Creek, Sex, Power, Love and Politics (CBS) Clarissa Explains it All, My Three Dads
Heroes:
Joshua Jackson, because he ended up with Katie Holmes on the show. Colin Ferrell because he has hooked up with some hot Hollywood cricket, Tommy Lee- his implant is making him millions, Ralph Macchio-that crane kick has saved my ass in some helacious bar fights, Kevin Trudeau-that guy needs my yogurt slinger down his throat to keep him from talking, John Rocker-he's got a wicked 2-seamed fastball, Nicole Kidman-she publically dissed Tom Cruise, Sammy- not sure of his last name but he makes a mean Club Sandwich..
