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You Know You're From Westchester When...

You go to a Dave Matthews Band concert and end up running into people you know from your school.
Half the people in your school mysteriously develop inner-Queens accents during 7th and 8th grade.
Starbucks is a regular stop for you.
You say Abercrombie & Fitch makes you want to puke, yet you sport at least one outfit from the store each week
NYU is your top choice for college.
If you go to Catholic school, you know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.
If you go to public school you still manage to know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.
Below 1400 is a "so-so" SAT score
You claim to hate your school, but you go to all the dances and play at least one varsity sport anyway.
Even though your best friend lives a stone's throw away, you have most of your conversations with him/her on AOL or AIM.
You know you have to act tough when going to The Galleria, or else you might get shot.
You know you have to act sophisticated when you go to The Westchester, or else you'll get kicked out.
Your summer vacation is most likely one of the following: LBI, Cape May, Wildwood, Seaside Heights, or, more simply "The Jersey Shore."
You know someone who knows the girl who starred in "The Blair Witch Project."
Your dad works in an office and wears a suit and tie to work every day.
Your mom either works part-time or volunteers, but whatever she does, it's enough to hold a 24-hour a day guilt-trip over you.
If you don't drive, the Metro North train is your best friend, assuming, of course, you're able to avoid the ticket-collector.
A trip into NYC for a day is your idea of "getting away from it all."
It pisses you off that your friends from the Bronx call this area "upstate New York."
You've met Vanessa Williams at least once.
You complain that the Jefferson Valley Mall is trash, but you find yourself hanging out there every weekend anyway.
You think anyone who lives south of New Jersey is a hick.
Everyone winds up spending Spring Break in the Hamptons.
The students in your school drive nicer cars than the teachers.
Your sixteenth birthday present: Sports Car, Jeep, or your mom's old BMW
Your mother went to a great college, and now does nothing
You say that you are "just outside the city" regardless of where you live
You can boast about living near the "Clintons"
Unlike every other area in the New York Metro area, you believe that people from Westchester, "really don't have accents."
Somebody had to teach you to do your laundry when you went away to college
You consider anything North of White Plains, "Upstate"
Your family belongs to a health club, a golf club, and/or a beach club
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Westchester.

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You Know You're Jewish When....

You spent your entire childhood thinking everyone called pot roast "brisket."
You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.
Your family dog responded to commands in Yiddish.
Every Saturday morning your father went to the neighborhood deli (called an "appetizing store") for whitefish salad, whitefish ("chubs"), lox (nova if you were rich!), herring, corned beef, roast beef, cole slaw, potato salad, a 1/2-dozen huge barrel pickles, a dozen assorted bagels, cream cheese and rye bread (sliced while he waited) .. all of which would be strictly off-limits until Sunday morning.
Every Sunday afternoon was spent visiting your grandparents and/or other relatives.
You experienced the phenomenon of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray.
You had at least one female relative who penciled on eyebrows which were always asymmetrical.
You thought pasta was stuff used exclusively for Kugel and kasha with bowties.
You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.
You were as tall as your grandfather by the age seven and a half.
You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 5 standard suffixes (berg, baum, man, stein and witz.)
You were surprised to discover that wine doesn't always taste like cranberry sauce.
You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.
Your mother smacked you really hard and continues to make you feel bad for hurting her hand.
You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.
You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean. Kinahurra.
You're still angry at your parents for not speaking both Yiddish and English to you when you were a baby.
Friday nights everyone got together and ate at your Aunts house, just before making you walk, what felt like 2 miles on a full stomache, for firday night services.
Your grandparent's newly washed linoleum floor was covered with the NY Times, which your grandparents could not read.
You thought speaking loud was normal.
You considered your Bar or Bat Mitzvah a "Get Out of Hebrew School Free" card.
You think eating half a jar of dill pickles is a wholesome snack.
You're compelled to mention your grandmother's "steel cannonballs" upon seeing fluffy matzo balls served at restaurants.
You buy 3 shopping bags worth of hot bagels on every trip to NYC and ship them home via FedEx. (Or, if you live near NYC or Philadelphia or another Jewish city hub, you drive 3 hours just to buy a dozen "real" bagels.)
Your mother took personal pride when a Jew was noted for some accomplishment (showbiz, medicine, politics, etc.) and was ashamed and embarrassed when a Jew was accused of a crime .. as if they were relatives.
You thought sleepaway college was only where non-Jews went ... Jews went to city schools ... unless they had scholarships or made an Ivy League school.
And finally, you knew that Sunday night and the night after any Jewish holiday was designated for Chinese food.
You're proud to be Jewish - and you pass these jokes on to all your Jewish friends!

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