Kelly

I'd like to meet:

CHUCK NORRIS IS A BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER.... Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried.When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg Mc Muffin at 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became Wendys.It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.Chuck Norris can speak brail.Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's just by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch - cause HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris can divide by zero.The grass is always greener on the other side - unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case it is likely soaked in blood and tears.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.