Steve Paytas's Irony

Dear Promoter, Bar Owner, Party-Thrower, Person-That-Needs-To-Hire-An-Act,Hey, let’s face it: the only reason you’re going to pay good money to a musician is to bring more people to your event, right? And usually, you’ll go with word-of-mouth first for a hire. Well, although I’ve been a musician and songwriter and producer in this area for well over 100 years now, I’ve only recently decided to make myself into a Duet act, so I haven’t had the chance to generate word-of-mouth (except for a few choice ones from my wife about ‘living in that studio 24 hours a day and why didn’t you pick up some beer like I asked’).Anyway, I bring in crowds. I help you sell more beer, wine, drinks, pizza, matzo balls, and, well, you get the idea. I’m there on time, sober, with all my stuff in good working order and ready to go. It’s just me & my wife, so there’s no band asking for free drinks all night, and I don’t require some massive sound system for support - in fact, I carry my own system that’s more than good enough to get the point across in 90% of bar, event, and party situations.Okay, this part you’ve seen before - the part where the musician brags about themselves to the point of absolute self-important, all-BS-encompassing nausea - but it has to be done and no one else can do this for me and if you’ve read this far, you may as well go for the gusto. Ready? Here we go:My name Steve. Play good. Real good. Been wit’ big acts sometimes for over ten minutes. Some dem’ offer big long far away gigs, I got to keep on my own track, do it right for myself... Got a really good, happening set of sets with lots of different styles of songs. And I get along like cheesecake on a fat day with any audience, even terrorists and shrimpers!I only charge what we decide I’m worth after the second gig, as long as it’s enough to get food for my dog and maybe a doughnut.Check out the CD, gimme a call, and don’t take any wooden guitar strings from burned out longhairs(sometimes myself) that only care about navel lint and brass pipes.Sort of Sincerely,P.S. Yeah, that’s my real name, “(Steve)”, honest.386-424-0999