Will the real David Duarte please stand-up?

I'm a stand-up comic. I was told myspace was a good vehicle to promote myself so here I am. I must admit this is kind of gay, but I guess I gotta swallow my pride (if nothing else) and gay it up a bit if I want this myspace deal to work for me. So.....how ya doing everybody! Wanna be my friend? Well golly gee willickers that's great!------------------------------------------------------ -------------DAVID DUARTE aka the d-child--------------------THE d-child, being one of many aliases I am known by. Also given the name "ColdCock" in my home city until my true identity was revealed by an overly eager law enforcement. The alias stuck when an elderly man on the verge of a carjacking witnessed me level the would be assailant with a single strike. "He coldcocked the son of a bitch!", the old man told them, and the press ran with it. They weren't content with me reducing the crime rate substantially by 63% thanks to my nightly ventures to rid the city of subhuman vermin. They just had to know who I was. Curiosity killed them when the local media urged local authorities to unmask me and hand me the key to the city. Thus, they did and now "Coldcock's" true identity was revealed, leaving me no choice but to go into hiding. I still well up inside when I sense a crime being commited, but I no longer get involved. Not surprisingly, crime is up considerably.--------------------------------------ANOTHER alias of mine, "DaddyLongLegs" was unearthed by those of the female gender. I was taunted by women I would get intimate with because of my slender build. No sooner than I disrobed, women would joke, "It looks like you have three legs! Ha Ha Ha!" Or even worse, "Is that a baby arm?! Hee Hee Hee!" Nonetheless, I stood strong...and banged them....real hard.--------------------------------THE MONICKER "the d-child" was born when during a regretful drunken state of mine, I walked into a rap "cypher". The dueling rappers noticed me and began to spew their lyrical venom on me. Taking it as a challenge, not to mention all the spectators waiting for my reply, I took a deep breath and unleashed a toxic lyrical massacre still spoken of today. Within months I was unwillingly infamous. Aspiring rappers found it unfair that I was allowed in these competitions, forfeits were commonplace and many dreams were cut short. It still bothers me to this day. Despite my pleas for them to stick with it, they wouldn't budge. A common response, "What good is it for me to write all these lyrics when you smoke niggas with just one rhyme?! Damn!" Not a day goes by that I don't regret entering that cypher. If any of you are out there reading this, go back to the club, pick up a pen & pad, this emcee has hung it up. Knock 'em out the box yo!-------------------------------------------------NOW, I am a comic. I believe less people will get hurt in this venture. I will bring laughter into people's lives, if just for a few minutes.I can be funny if you just give me a chance. I don't like performing to 3 people too much so check my myspace periodically to see where I will be performing next! Come check me out! Bring your friends! Then you can treat me to Denny's afterward....I'll leave the tip.