!i'm a dork. i love loud music, fast cars, strong liquor, and people with a good sense of humor. i share a birthday with Henry Rollins. i can't manage to describe myself decently on this thing.
"Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?"
--James Thurber
"Mostly, punk was funny. We couldn't believe we were getting away with it."
--Pete Shelley
"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
-- Frank Zappa
"At Black Angus, we'll start you off with an appetizer platter featuring 5 jumbo deep fried gulf shrimp served on a disc of salted butter with 15 of our potato bacon bombs and a big bowl of pork cracklins with our cheese and butter dippin' sauce! And you're like 'Oh, hey, we're all gonna split that--' YOU'LL EACH GET YOUR OWN! Then we'll take you to our mile-long salad bar featuring our bacon and cheese cream soup and our five head of iceberg lettuce he-man salad, served in a punch bowl with 15 pounds of ranch dressing and, what the hell, a couple of corn dogs! 'OH, hey... can I just get a mixed green?' Hey, I'll suck a cock on a Christmas tree before I give you a mixed green, buddy! 'Uh wow... what's goin on?' Then we'll wheel out our bottomless trough of fried dough! 'Seriously, am I getting a steak?' Oh, you'll get a steak. Cuz then we'll bring out our 54 ounce Las Mesa he-man steak slab served with a deep-fried pumpkin stuffed with buttered scallops and 67 of our potato bacon bombs! 'Uhhh oh man, there's no way I can--' Then bend over, Abigail May, cuz here comes the gravy pipe!!" --Patton Oswalt
"Rosie O'Donnell's upset because the hair for Donald Trump's comb-over came from her ass" --Stuart
