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Add to My Profile | More Videos "I am the scratch on the top of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't..."I'm just a regular joe. With a regular job. I'm your average white. Suburbanite slob. I like football, and porno, and books about war. I've got an average house. With a nice hardwood floor. My wife, and my job. My kids, and my car. My feet on my table and a Cuban cigar. But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested. No, I gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense. I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane while people behind me are going insane. I use public toilets and I piss on the seat. I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?". Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces. Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song. Ranting and raving and carrying on. Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong... You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadilac El Dorado Convertable Hot pink!.. With whale skin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights-YEAH! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour getting one mile per gallon... sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers... and when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag... And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side and there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? 'Cause we got the bombs, that's why! Two words: Nuclear Fuckin' Weapons Okay!? Russia, Germany, Romania... They can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big Democracy cake walk. Right through the middle of Tienemen Square and it won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs.Okay!? John Wayne's not dead...He's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke" And he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 million times That's how pissed off "The Duke's" gonna be... I'm gonna get "The Duke"... And John Cassavetes...And Lee Marvin... And Sam Peckinpah ...And a case of whiskey...And drive down to Texas... And- You know, the whole time I thought I was that asshole And it turns out it was him A - SS - HO - LE! I'm an asshole and proud of it.
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