Its been years since i update this so i thought its about time!
I currently live in Exeter, moving to a new place soon (more info to come....
I'd describe myself as a genuinely nice person and kind. I enjoy peoples company and have a laugh. I pick up peoples sayings and personality very quickly, im indecisive and I can never make up my mind. I'm Very impatient.
I would like to get married one day (EVENTUALLY) i love my friends, i have alot of them, but i can love them all dont worry. i'd say i'm pretty shy, my downfall is i dont have the greatest of confidence. I'm spontaneous (i'd like to think)
I have friends everywhere, my friends are very important to me. I've always been told im a good listener and I love meeting new people here there and everywhere.
I'm protective over anyone i know, pretty laid back, people enjoy my company, you'll tend to really really like me or really really dont! First impressions when i usually meet someone usually stick for good.
i do have to be actually attracted to someone but they've GOT TO have a good personality! gotta be able to hold a decent convo and humorous is a must!
I'm currently working as a civil servant
From all the SEriousness onto some jokes and sayings:
how'd ya get a fat girl into bed?...piece of cake!
Men who go 2 bed with a hard problem wake up with a solution in hand :-)
What's the diffrence between a blonde and a mosquito? When you smack a mosquito it stops sucking
Some MAY be offended!! Caution!
What do you call a chav in a box? = Init
What do you call a chavette in a white track suit? = The Bride
What do you call a chavette at college? = The Cleaner
What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? = A Start
How do you get 100 chavs into a phone box? = Paint 3 strips on it
If you see a chav on a bike when your driving why shouldn't you push him off? Coz it might be your bike
How do you know when a womens going to say something smart? = When she starts the sentence with 'a man once told me'
When do you know a womens watch needs fixing? = you dont theres a clock on the cooker
Why are womens feet smaller than mens? = its an evolutionary thing allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink
If your wifes shouting out the front and the dogs barking out the back who do you let in first? The dog because he'll shut up when you let him in
A blonde lady went to see a doctor about her weight and the doctor said "If you run 30 miles for 300 days you will have lost a lot of weight". Three hundred days later, she rings up the doctor and says "I have lost a lot of weight your treatment worked. But there's one little problem!" "Whats that?" the doctor asked. Th blonde says, "I'm 9000 miles out of town".
What do you call a prostitute with no legs? Cash and carry.
What is the difference between a blond and a 747? Not everyone has been in a 747.
What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? About 2 cans of hair spray.
What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? Pick them up off the floor.
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? The vegetable garden.
How many blondes does it take to play tag? One
Whats the difference between a Blonde and a supermarket trolley? A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
How do blonde braincells die? Alone
Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? To turn the blinker off.
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? They don't know the route.
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator? By the chipped tooth.
Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? So she can have a doggie bag for later.
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Two gay necrophiliacs were walking past the morgue. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, you wanna go in and suck up a couple of cold ones?"
(dont take offence only having a laugh! )
Why don't 80 year old women have smear tests????
Have you tried opening a cheese toastie!
what do gays and druggies have in common?
they both sniff crack
I lost my virginity to a retard last night...
I wanted my first time to be special.
A guy went to a brothel and asked for a whore that could take 12 inches.
The madam gave him her best one, and the guy went in and started banging the
hell out of her, but she started screaming that she couldn't take it.
So he goes back to the madam and she gives him another whore. Same thing --
he starts banging her and she starts screaming in pain. He's pissed off now and
about to leave when the madam begs him to try one more whore; she assures him this
whore will be his best fuck ever. So he goes in a dark room and starts banging
another chick, and everything's going great; she keeps taking it and he's loving it.
Then all of a sudden, she starts foaming at the mouth. The guy gets freaked out and
runs out to tell the madam, who brings over the custodian and says
"Hey, Frank, the dead one's full again."
Mummy Mummy i keep walking round in circles
Shut the fuck up of ill nail your other foot to the floor!
what part of a cabbage does not float???
the wheelchair
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and
she was thinking she did good.Then she walked past the next day and heard him
saying real fast 3-5, 3-5, 3-5...
what is the difference between anal sex and a fridge???
the fridge dont fart when you pull the meat out
the old grand duke of york, he had ten thousand men,
And if he had the energy, he'd have them all again!
how do you confuse a lesbian
show her the colour purple
Mummy mummy can we have semolina tonight?!
dont be a fuckwit you know nannys leg healed
why hasnt there been a woman on the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning!
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