Dan[wii]

Arthole: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gorobotgo
I love ordinary things that contradict themselves. I love inventions that make American’s lazier than they already are. I enjoy listening to angry songs played in mezzo forte, and sad songs played with an upbeat tempo. I laugh at intelligent wit, and fart jokes; especially intelligently witty fart jokes. I love white meat chicken nuggets with barbeque sauce. I'm in love with Joel McHale. I enjoy reading essays about quantum physics, parallel universes and superstrings. I find humor in people who use the word ‘gem’ to describe something beat up or shoddy. I savor moments when I find loopholes in the English language. I like pretending like I can solve the New York Times crossword puzzles- I'm smart until Wednesday. I like organizing my bookshelf so that the books teeter between big and small in an increasing and then decreasing fashion. I indulge and look forward to cleaning out the lint trap after doing a heavy load of laundry. I find comfort in reformating my hard drive. I can organize and reorgainze my music collection all day and never get bored. I love getting coffee and sitting there uselessly trying to solve a paradox and pretending like my math skills are up to par. I make excuses for things I don’t have to and am brutally honest when I should be lying. I feel obliged to ask questions I already know the answer to, especially when I know the answer isn’t a good one. I excel at thinking of great ideas and never executing them. I indulge in chocolate and coffee and lust after chocolate coffee. But not hot coffee, only cold. I find ergonomically designed everyday objects to be useless and humorous. I'm a Scrabble nut and know every Q without U. I derive pleasure out of watching famous people get sentenced to prison, and think public execution is a great crime deterrent. I love masculinity when defined by someone who wrestles and knits. I live for the moment when I finish my pizza and can dip my crust into chilled ranch. I love Paradise Hotel. I love things so bad I can't even watch them. I've done Karaoke once. I applaud people who instigate and challenge me. I value people who can debate key political issues and not take it personally. I praise the civil engineers who, in certain states, designed their freeways to have off-ramps before on-ramps thereby eliminating the need to merge. I like finding flavored cuticle crème, putting it on my cuticles, and then chewing them off. I find it mind bending to watch documentaries about space and time. I won't leave my house because Forensic Files has me permenately afraid of pipe bombs. I fulfill my voyeuristic tendencies by going to a bargain matinee in the middle of the day, sitting behind an old couple, and listening to them converse during the whole movie. I console myself by thinking and visiting places where people are worse off than me. When I'm sad I watch documentaries about WWII and realize my life isn't ALL that bad. I love checkered and plaid. I love pink and black. I love pink and black checkered or plaid. I save money by drinking lots of water and peeing clear so I don’t have to flush as often. I find it relaxing to make random lists. My favorite television channel is PBS, and am thankful to viewers like me. Frontline can make anything interesting and the narrator tickles my fancy. I take guilty pleasure in watching the Home Shopping Network and seeing men get excited over beanie babies and women trying to sell hideous jewelry. I love mint chocolate chip ice cream, so long as the cream part is green. I love to start but never finish…