I'll start by answering a few questions you might have if you haven't seen or talked to me in a few years: yes I am still alive, no I don't have cirrhosis, no I am not incarcerated in a mental or penal institution, yes I weigh a lot more than my high school graduation weight of 150 lbs., yes I cut all my hair off, no my musical tastes did not improve, no I am not in the witness protection program, yes I got a truck that's cooler and more reliable than the '61 Dodge Stepside, yes I am a fully functioning and contributing member of society, yes I ride a Harley-Davidson, no I do not have any wants or warrants for my arrest, yes I have a horrible problem with road rage and that's only because all of you suck at driving so put down the fucking cell phone and that will help, no I don't drink anymore, yes I still have all my original teeth, no I don't hang around large groups of people nor do much "partying", and yes I kept my sarcastic streak and it actually got stronger with more of a sting to it, especially since I finally got some size to back up what comes out of my mouth. After living in a variety of places, I now reside in rural Illinois. Susie and I have a small farm on 11.5 acres and we have our own zoo consisting of 3 horses, 3 chickens, 1 cat, 2 turtles, 1 snake, and the coolest dog on the planet Harley (unimaginative name, I know). I got lucky enough to marry Susie who is extremely attractive, intelligent, funny, and very tolerant of all my nonsense. There's talk she drew the short straw and married me out of pity. I love my job as a lab instructor for Gross Anatomy at the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine. I'm lucky to be able to help teach some of the greatest veterinary student in the world. I'm also a Volunteer Firefighter/First Responder/Training Officer with the Humboldt Fire Protection District. I work part-time as an EMT-Basic and am a volunteer scuba diver with the Coles County Dive Rescue Team. Additionally I am a storm spotter for Coles County EMA and I teach CPR/AED classes. Despite my activities helping to save people from themselves and the situations they find themselves in, I probably love animals more and if you are the type of coward who harms or abuses animals, I'm happy to beat your eyes shut and liberate your teeth from your jawbone. It's a dichotomy....go figure. My friends are fantastic people whom I am very fond of and I hope they all know how important they are to me. Same goes for any members of my family who might read this. If you are a stupid person and do stupid things, I love letting you know it. The same goes for hypocrites. I'm also irritable and cranky if shit isn't going the way I think it should be. But, I laugh A LOT, and I do it as much at myself and the shit I do as at anyone or anything else. You can also find me on Facebook if you give a damn. If there is anything else you want to know or can't figure out from reading this, feel free to ask as long as you're sure you want to know the answer.
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