Timothy profile picture

Timothy

I am here for Friends

About Me

I don't want to read anymore about fetuses. My dad sent me a fetus in a jar once. He thought it was hilarious. I nearly vomited. It had all kinds of fake blood and cigarette burns all over the thing. It took me about three and a half minutes before I decided that the horror was going in the closet. A few months later, when I felt comfortable discussing it at work, my buddy Familystyle made it pretty clear that he wanted the disgusting thing. I told him that it was his as long as he came to get it himself because I wasn't willing to touch it again. He made it even creepier. Filled the jar up half-way with brown liquid and threw a couple of pickles and shit in there. Worst part was he decided to keep it in his refrigerator. Then he got a girlfriend and she wouldn't have it. I don't know where that disgusting fetus is today.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Not you, that's for sure.

My Blog

Diet Coke

Moron: Why do you drink Diet Coke?Me: You know, because it's diet. Plus I like how it tastes.Moron: That doesn't even make sense. It's still bad for you.Me: Says 0 Calories on the can.Moron: Yea, bu...
Posted by on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:32:00 GMT

To all the Libs:

Dare I say it? What about all the possible repercussions? What if someone feels left out? Will my friends shun me? My reputation could possibly be at stake! Until now, I was so open-minded! AAAA...
Posted by on Tue, 26 Dec 2006 02:24:00 GMT

if I could just clear this one thing up

Over the last few days, my personal bubble has been violated.I've been bothered by people knocking on my door. Each of my (two) phones've been ringing like crazy. I have a third phone which is only ...
Posted by on Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:19:00 GMT

Nip muthafuckin Tuck

Guess what, everybody?  The best show on television comes back next Tuesday!  September fifth!  I know what you're thinking: Dude, the end of last season sucked!  Well, you're righ...
Posted by on Wed, 30 Aug 2006 22:06:00 GMT