Centuries ago, there was a pirate named Cap'n John "Machete" Firepants. He was not any ordinary pirate, oh no, he was a cursed pirate. Cursed with one of the worsed most horrifing spells a person could have; he could not get drunk. No matter how much he drank, he always stayed sober, which is not a good look for a pirate. How did he get this curse you ask? Well, one foggy, cold night he was sailing to Costa Rica to get a new parrot, for some reason this was extremely important, and on the way he stumbled upon a beautiful mermaid that granted him three wishes. He first wished for a new eye patch because his was getting old, the mermaid hesitated because it was such a stupid wish, but then granted Machete his idiotic wish. She hated granting pirates wishes because they were never any good. He thought a little longer and decided he wanted a new peg leg because his hurt when he walked, but he could not afford a new one. At this point, now the mermaid was flat out pissed off. She granted him his God damn wish and screamed "Why can't you think of anything good to wish for you BLOODY PIRATE!" " Now, you have one last wish and because you chose not to do anything good with them you have a choice, you can leave now and continue on your journey or take the third wish, but with grave circumstances." Machete paused to think, but being a pirate he did not ask what the circumstances were and took the third wish. He had a great wish, he knew that he would be happy for life after this was granted. " I wish for unlimited Rum for the rest of my life!" Immediately the wish was granted and the mermaid dove off into the ocean waves. Well, Machete and the Diaz crew couldn't have been happier and they drank and had a great time, until they began to notice that they had all drank quite a bit of rum, but they were not drunk. Not even buzzed. That is when they realized the mermaid had cursed them. Everyone aboard the ship had been cursed to a life of soberness. The Diaz crew were so horrified, they staged a mutiny and ended up sinking the ship killing everyone aboard it. As the story goes on cold, foggy nights, weary travelers will still see the ghosts of John "Machete" Firepants and the Ron Diaz crew pillaging the sea looking for the mermaid who cursed them, but beware or you could also be a victim of the Sea Bones Mermaid!
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