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About Me

From childhood's hour I have not been as others were-I have not seen as other's saw-I could not bring my passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone.- "Alone" Edgar Allen Poe  I edited my profile with Thomas Myspace Editor V4.4 (www.strikefile.com/myspace)I See A Darkness Overwhelming/ I See There Is No Light For Me/ I Don't Care If It Leaves Me Blind/ I Don't Care If I'm Left Behind/I See A White Horse's Head/ I See It's Dark Stare Fixed At Me/ I Do Not Fear It's Eyes/ Curse Myself, Return It Twice/I See Walls To High To Climb/ I See Nothing On The Other Side/ I Should Have Roamed Another Space/ I Should Have Been Another Place/I Am Among Ghosts When I Should Rest/ I Cannot Tell The Worlds Apart/ I Do Not Heed The Words They Say/ There Is No Dream Of Another Day/I Hear Silence, Deafening/ Drowning The Deserts, That Is My Destiny/ I No Longer Wish To See/ The Threads They've Spun For Me.From "Havenless"-Enslaved It is not necessary to understand; it is enough to adore. The god may be of clay: adore him; he becomes GOD. We ignore what created us; we adore what we create. Let us create nothing but GOD! That which causes us to create is our true father and mother; we create in our own image, which is theirs. Let us create therefore without fear; for we can create nothing that is not GOD-from "The Book Of Lies" Aleister Crowley"It's sad that in our blindness we gather thorns for flowers"-My Dying BrideHere I sit at the fire/ Liquor's bitter flames warm my languid soul/ Here I drink alone and remember a graven life, the stain of her memory/ In this cup love's poison/ For love is the poison of life/ Tip the cup, feed the fire, and forget about useless fucking hope... Lost in the desolation of love/ The passions we reap and sow/ Lost in the desolation of life, This path that we walk... / Here's to love, the sickness/ The great martyr of the soul/ Here's to life, the vice, the great herald of misery/ In this cup, spiritus frumenti, for this is the nectar of the spirit./ Quench the thirst, drown the sorrow, and forget about cold yesterdays... / Lost in the desolation of love/ The passions we reap and sow/ Lost in the desolation of life, This path that we walk... - from "Desolation Song" Agalloch.A Dead Start In My Head and the Day's Been Laid/ The Things I Really Want, Always Torn From My Heart/ You Never Saw the Way, How I Wanted You to Stay/ And Now When You're Gone, I'm On My Own. When I was Thinking This Was Something Permanent/ You Were Already Thinking of Going Away.- "Gone" Katatonia"NO LORD SHALL STAND BEFORE MYSELF"-from "Deicide" Deicide"I KEEP THE BIBLE IN A POOL OF BLOOD so that NONE of it's LIES will affect ME" from "New Faith" Slayer "You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." - Harvey Dent No one seems to care anymore/ (as)I wander through this night all alone/ No one feels the pain I have inside/ Looking at this world through my eyes/ No one really cares where I go/ Searching to feel the warmth forever more/ The wheels of life they turn without me/ Now you are gone eternally/ No, Don't leave me here/ The dream carries (me) on Inside/ I know, it's not too late/ Lost moments blown away, tonight/ Mankind, with your heresy/ Can't you see that this is killing me/ There's no one in this life/ To be here with me at my side.- "Anyone, Anywhere" by Anathema Who could call my name without regretting/Who could see beyond this, my darkness, and for once save their own prayers/ Who could mirror down just a little of their sun./ How could this go so very wrong, that I must depend on darkness. Would anyone follow me further down?/ How could this go so very far? That I need someone to say, What is Wrong? not with the world but me./ Who could call my name without regretting/ Who could promise to never destroy me/ Tonight my head is full of wishes and everything that I drink is full of her.- from "Tonight's Music" Katatonia

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"But I don't want to go around mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can't help that.' said The Cat: 'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad.' 'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. 'You must be.' said The Cat. 'Or you wouldn't have come here."- Lewis Carroll "Alice In Wonderland"

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"There are many people who would take my time. I shun them. There are those who share my time. I am entertained by them. There are the precious few who contribute to my time. I cherish them."- Anton Lavey from "The Devil's Notebook" "Mister Rabbit says,'A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers'."- Mickey Knox from the movie "Natural Born Killers" "LADIES and GENTLEMEN! You've read about it in the NEWSPAPERS! Now, SHUDDER as you observe, BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES, that most RARE and TRAGIC of NATURE'S MISTAKES! I give you... THE AVERAGE MAN! Physically UNREMARKABLE, it has INSTEAD a deformed set of VALUES. Notice the HIDEOUSLY BLOATED sense of HUMANITY'S IMPORTANCE. The club-footed SOCIAL CONSCIENCE and the WITHERED OPTIMISM. Most REPULSIVE of ALL, are its FRAIL and USELESS notions of ORDER and SANITY. If too much WEIGHT is placed upon them...They SNAP. How does it LIVE, I hear you ask? How does this poor, pathetic specimen SURVIVE in today's HARSH and IRRATIONAL world? The sad answer is 'Not very WELL.' Faced with the inescapable FACT that HUMAN EXISTENCE is MAD, RANDOM and POINTLESS, one in EIGHT of them CRACK UP and go STARK SLAVERING BUGGO! Who can BLAME them? In a world as PSYCHOTIC as THIS...any OTHER response would be CRAZY!"- The Joker "The Killing Joke" by Alan Moore "I am awaiting the sunrise. Gazing modestly through the coldest morning. Once it came you lied. Embracing us over autumn's proud treetops./ I stand motionless, in a parade of falling rain. Your voice I cannot hear, as I am falling again./ Devotion eludes and in sadness I lumber. In my own ashes I am standing without a soul. She wept and whispered 'I know...'/ We walked into the night. Am I to bid you farewell? Why can't you see that I try. When every tear that's shed, is for you?" from "To Bid You Farewell" by Opeth "Only a fool mistakes laughter for humor and fashion for style."- Anton Lavey from the book "Satan Speaks""If eyes are the mirror of the soul, you will find in mine the scorn and apathy. You will read my hatred as in a cursed book. You will see yourself, as I see you. It is a mirror sombre and opaque, which protects me, which stifles me. A great ditch around the heart, which rejects, which estranges me. There is a world in my head, a dead world where nothing lives. And it is there I am, too far, far too far, to be rejoined. A crown of thorns is still a crown. I am a king in a kingdom of suffering. I have taken my time to reach this stage. I have taken pains to torture myself. To descend, to descend into pain. I exist and if my brain is numbed, the thorn in my flesh can overcome apathy. There is no glory in humiliation. A throne to be taken, a crown to win. I have no more tears and my smile has lost it's brilliance. I have forgotten who I was. I have killed my emotions. Crushed, empty, weary, always standing, I am a tree awaiting the lightning." from "The Crown" Samael
Opeth "Porcelain Heart" .. ..Agalloch "Not Unlike The Waves"Ensiferum "Ahti" .. ..Enslaved "Return to Yggdrasil" .. .."Through vast valleys I wander to the highest peaks, on pathways through a wild forgotten landscape in search of God, in spite of man, 'til the lost forsaken endless... This is where I choose to tread. Fall... so shall we fall into the nihil? The nothingness that we feel in the arms of the pale, in the shadow of the grim companion who walks with us. Here is the landscape. Here is the sun. Here is the balance of the earth. Where is the God? Has he fallen and abandoned us? As I'm stalked by the shadow of Death's hand, the fire in my heart is forged across the land. Here at the edge of this world, here I gaze at a pantheon of oak, a citadel of stone. If this grand panorama before me is what you call God... then God is not dead. I walked down to a river and sat in reflection of what had to be done. An offering of crimson flowed into the water below. A wound of spirit from which it floated and faded away... like every hope I've ever had... like every dream I've ever known... It washed away in a tide of longing, a longing for a better world. From my will, my throat, to the river, and into the sea... wash away... fade away... Here is the landscape. Here is the sun. Here at the edge of the earth. Where is the GOD? Has he fallen to ruin? As I'm stalked by the shadow of Death's hand, my heathen pride is scarred across the land." - "In the Shadow Of Our Pale Companion" Agalloch A serpent it came to me, right before my eyes. I looked to God way above me, he looked down at my lies. I said, "Oh, Lord please help me, I'm on my knees." "Your path is yours" he told me, "your's to reap." A mighty wind did pull me , tore at my face. My flesh is raped at his hand. I am the world's disgrace. The heaven opened above me and down God's tears came, lashing away at my skin, my stinking, rotten frame. I thought I'd fought the demons that roam above me. I thought I'd slew their blood red hands. Their hearts still beat with all the hatred for me. Their mark still burns into my very soul and I walk with them. They're shadowing my soul. - "And I Walk With Them" My Dying Bride

My Blog

2009 NFL Mock Draft Version 3.0

NFL Mock Draft Version 3.0 1. Matthew Stafford - QB, Georgia.  The Lions tipped their hand when it was revealed they were attempting to trade for Jay Cutler.  I don't see how they could not select a Q...
Posted by on Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:09:00 GMT

NFL Mock Draft Version 2.0

NFL Mock Draft Version 2.0 1. Matthew Stafford - QB, Georgia.  The Lions tipped their hand when it was revealed they were attempting to trade for Jay Cutler.  I don't see how they could not select a Q...
Posted by on Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:38:00 GMT

2009 NFL Mock Draft Version 1.0

2009 NFL Mock Draft Version 1.0By Jason CalvinRound 1 1. Matthew Stafford - QB, Georgia.  The Lions tipped their hand when it was revealed they were attempting to trade for Jay Cutler.  I don't see ho...
Posted by on Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:41:00 GMT

THE DEATH OF JASON: Chapter VIII - The First Day of My Life

THE DEATH OF JASON: Chapter VIII - The First Day of My LifeTonight I was at the grocery store.  I saw a new stuffed elephant and for the first time in nearly a year in a half, I didn't automatica...
Posted by on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:56:00 GMT

THE DEATH OF JASON: Chapter VII - Good Karma

THE DEATH OF JASON: Chapter VII - Good Karmakarma - noun - fate or destiny I believe in Karma.  I don't know what I've done in the past to make my heart hurt the way that it does sometimes, but...
Posted by on Sun, 27 Apr 2008 23:16:00 GMT

THE DEATH OF JASON: Chapter I - Dreams

THE DEATH OF JASON: Chapter I - DreamsLately I've been able to recall more of my dreams than usual.  I wish that I remembered my dreams more frequently. I've always envied people who can retell t...
Posted by on Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:47:00 GMT

Just thinking

There's so much more to you I want to say Before the time comes when I slip away I hope all of your dreams come true someday I wish I could share them, but I can't stay   For the once blue skies ...
Posted by on Sat, 17 Nov 2007 15:52:00 GMT

I Hate This

  Remember when "I need you more than ever" was said Ever since that moment the scene repeats in my head You offered distance, "The only way to be my friend" And in your newfound "space" you wer...
Posted by on Wed, 14 Feb 2007 20:27:00 GMT