About Me
From the depths of the Dead Sea, salt-covered, naked and struck with a case of the shivers, emerge Crush and Evan, sent by the town of Kingston to eradicate a so called "sea monster" known by many, but slain by no man. With a task as hardy as such, the duo need much more man power if they want to even begin to stand a chance. Upon arrival to Jordan, Crush and Evan fell upon a brittle old man, peddling a cart of sweets, by the name of Sardine. Though old and completely useless he was full of unnecessary knowledge, that would surprisingly become more useful to the two than they first thought. He contained the answers to the questions of the answers of questioning what the answer to the Sea Monster may be. After filling up on some sweets and persuading Sardine to join the hunt, they continued. At the top of a steep mountain the three saw what looked to be an ogre of sorts. Maybe it was a sasquatch, or even that of the likes of a greek god. Turns out it was long time family friend and fellow sportsman and avid hand-hunter (hunting large game by hand), Dugong! Crush and Evan both knew that they were nothing for the likes of this beast so getting Dugong would greatly increase their odds of capturing it. The four began hiking and sweating and drinking each others urine, which lasted for 13 hours and went for 14025 mini-miles. Crush, Dugong, Evan and Sardine grew gills and began their underwater journey, that with any spot of luck would result in the finding of a Sea Monster. Turns out finding this monster was much easier than any far-off fairy tale might suggest. A 23 foot tall, 12 legged creature with 9 tongues and a few more or less eyes stood organizing a large wristwatch collection, alone and seemingly without any discontent. "See Here, Sea Monster" Crush aggressively stated, "you must leave behind your extensive wristwatch collection and come calmly with us." "The air is cold outside of the water. That sun is way to bright. I don't have any sneakers. I need to get to sleep soon. I don't think that I know how to leave. Why do you even want to hang out with me?" As the Sea Monster babbled on, the group pushed him towards the shimmering light at the surface. After more babble and more complaining they were able to contrive a simple conversation with the monster. Turns out his name was Shane and he was 16-3000304 years old and that he had been through this hundreds of times before. The coast drew nearer and the monster would not stop blabbing. Instead of wanting to thrash the gnar Shane had to go back home, he needed to sleep some more and fold some laundry, along with having to salt the open fish sticks. The group let Shane go back home and quickly hurried away from the sea. Each lived happily ever after getting away from the Sea Monster.
