Doc Holliday and anyone who thinks that this short story I wrote is cool.I woke up with a slight discomfort near my cerebellum from a long night of drinking and doing cocaine. As I stepped over empty beer cans and dope bags, I began making my way to my luxurious bathroom. I noticed a clowns suit with blood all over it. Oh well, it was probably a joke someone played on me last night. The first drop of urine hit my toilet and then I froze. It finally hit me like a ton of crack. The bloody clowns suit was apart of the disagreement last night. It all started yesterday morning when my friend brought some herion to my apartment. I put some on the end of a cigarette and then I took the rest of it in a pill form. My friend passed out on my couch around 12:00 p.m. and I decided that it would be appropriate to smear dog shit on his head while he was unconscious. I always played practical jokes on that guy. The last practical joke I played on him he went to the hospital for 8 months after I dropped a bowling ball on his head from his own roof when he was coming home from work one night. The doctors didn't think he would make it, but I knew that he would make it so I pulled the plug on his life support twice in the hospital as a joke. The herion made me want to experience the outside environment near my neighbors mail box. I walked to my neighbors mailbox and began pulling out his mail. I noticed that he was staring from his window and then I heard his door unlocking with his voice shouting obscene words. He confronted me with a small baseball bat and asked me what in the hell I thought I was doing. "I'm about to utilize your mail by using it as toilet paper." - I replied. "I'm calling the cops!" He said. I have never been that fond of police officers and I knew that desperate measures would be required in this intense situation. As he turned to walk inside his house, I kicked him in the back of the head ninja style and he fell to the ground. While he was on the ground, I grabbed his mail and started force feeding him grass from his front lawn mixed with junk mail. I'm sure that it wasn't the healthiest diet, but it was certainly something new. As he gagged, I ripped out his mailbox and then began fiercely beating him in the back of the head with it. I then drug him into the street and proceeded to run him over with my vehicle. I repeated these steps with accuracy while he yelled for help. I finally tied a rope around his neck and the other end to my bumper. I figured that I could drag him a few hundred feet, but to my disappointment his head came clean off when I accelerated. I then picked his head up and drove down the street with his head on the passenger seat of my vehicle. Things became a little acward so I began telling him the recent jokes I've heard. I laughed as I put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it for him. I fired up a cigarette myself as I told my jokes. His sense of humor was a little dry though. He just sat there with that same shocked look on his face. I was offended that he didn't even crack a smile so I jabbed a toothpick in his nose. He now had his nose pierced and I thought it fit him. As I drove, he silently listened when I told stories of my Vietnam-like experiences. His company was starting to annoy me so we went back to his house. I approached the front of his house and threw his head through his own window and then invited myself inside. As I walked inside his beautiful home, I glanced over to notice that his head had landed in a cereal bowl. It gave me the brilliant courage to enhance my senses so I went to the fridge and pulled out a gallon of milk. I walked back to his head and poured milk all over it while I chanted "Go White Boy Go White Boy Go!!!" I helped myself to all of his whiskey and went to the garage. While in the garage, I found a gallon of gasoline. I can't recall why I did this, but I mixed the gasoline with apples, salt, his wifes picture, a donut, and lit it all on fire. The house lit up like a Christmas tree. I really enjoyed the different colors produced by the fire as I watched from my house. The fire department responded real quickly and arrived 10 minutes after I lit it. A crowd of kids watched near by as a fireman approached me and said, "Did you see what happened?" "Yes, I saw that kid set the house on fire!!" I said as I pointed at this kid with glasses. The fireman and police quickly tackled the kid off of his bicycle and handcuffed him. "What in the fuck did I do?" The kid said. "You are under arrest for arson you little bastard!!" The cop yelled. "Thank you for your help and cooperation in this serious matter sir, you saved us alot of time and paperwork hunting down the little shit." "No problemo officito con caso." I replied. The officer had a confused look on his face because he understood Spanish, but I made no sense in my response. I quickly covered it up by saying,"Do you think my neighbor was taking a shit while his house was burning down?" It had not occured to them to search for survivors sense I payed a kid $100.00 to tell the cops he was out of town, then <<<<<<