Geoff Yearwood grew up in the same grand tradition as other legendary crybabies such as Bill Laimbeer and Jimmy Swaggart. Yearwood was the captain of the 1977 Scottish lacrosse team before moving on to bigger and better things, such as becoming a self made millionaire and kindergarten. Upon masterminding Ronald Reagan's presidential election in 1980, Yearwood decided it was time to follow more honorable pursuits than politics. So he became an underground professional arm wrestling champion. Seven championships were won, along the way breaking Bull Hurley's arm twice and ripping Lincoln Hawk's right bicep beyond repair, thus forcing Hawk's permanent retirement from competition of any kind. Upon his graduation from junior high school in 1989, Yearwood chose to reinvent rock & roll by releasing the greatest album ever imagined. Melting Faces sold 40,000,000 copies on the day of its release and still continues to be the only album owned by such luminaries as Jimmy Page, Kanye West, and Donald Trump. Trump refuses to listen to any other music of any kind, stating that "everything else is a disappointment by comparison. It melted my face so much that my hair won't stay in any respectable position." Yearwood currently lives on the peak of Mt. Kilimanjaro, daring the volcano to erupt simply for the thrill of surfing the lava barefoot. In his spare time on the mountain, Yearwood is singlehandedly building a spaceship so he can conquer the cosmos and enslave some alien civilizations to do his evil bidding. Most would ask for donations to help attain such a lofty goal, but this will not be necessary, as Geoff Yearwood is so awesome he no longer needs money.
Your Fortune Is
You will invent a humorous toilet lid.
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