Joe Imperial

I enjoy pajamas with feet. I write poetry based upon the bouyancy comparison of wine corks vs. igneous rocks. I spend alot of time on body modification namely tongue splitting and tattoos on my forehead and the underside of my genitalia. I'm a 16th century vampire trying to make it in this wacky modern world while trying to quell my need to sip upon the blood of a virgin. My specialty is arranging the best cock fights and pit bull fights this neighborhood has ever seen. I've been abducted 46 times by the elusive grey aliens yet they didn't perform anal probes (although the urethra experiment wasn't nearly as fun as you'd expect). I'm a master at performing at-home-abortions but my roomates are getting tired of the smell in the garbage pail and insist I use an alley way in the future. I often wonder of all the possible uses for a 2 foot length of PVC pipe and common gerbels. I have the first 15 minutes of Clockwork Orange on a perpetual loop that is playing on my television at all times. I wear plaid golf pants yet dispise the game itself. I am currenly building an outdoor Koi pond which will also serve as a toilet for college students with down syndrome. I have recurring dreams of a sugar and lollipop world populated only by elves who are murdered nightly in new and fantastically brutal ways. In my leisure time, (when I'm not running experiments to create cyborg limbs for Red Eyed Tree Frogs) I repeatedly call the local supermarket armed only with the question "do you have Prince Albert in a can?" Most of my thoughts revolve around an episode of Alfred Hitchcock in which a woman bashes a mans skull in with a frozen steak and then serves that steak for supper. I vacation in the African jungles where I hunt endangered species eventually to be sold on the black market as Japanese aphrodisiacs. I guess you could say I'm just an all around fun guy.